cellini's Diaryland Diary

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He Wants to Live

Simon can't walk. Or even stand up. He tried to get up to come to me when I came home yesterday but he just couldn't do it. He's at the vet right now.

Aside from work and Apple's party on Saturday, I have spent every minute with Simon since Friday afternoon. Day and night. He's still himself. He still looks at me and licks me and wags his tail. I got him to drink a few cups of water last night and he ate plenty but he wouldn't take any water this morning before we got in the car.

When I got home yesterday I carried him outside so we could sit in the front yard together until it got dark. Then I carried him in to the study. He's heavy. A good 60 pounds or so. We spent the whole evening there. I held his paw and petted him. Ida came in and helped me brush him. She had 3 cookies and she gave one to him and one to me.

I didn't want to risk him falling off the bed in the middle of the night and also was worried about him peeing on the mattress (since I couldn't get him to 'go' before bed time) so we both slept on the floor of the study together. I'm kind of sore and didn't sleep very well. But he needed me there.

Right now I have no idea what the vet is going to say. I don't think this is just Lyme disease. Lyme disease doesn't cause this level of debilitation this fast. It takes months of symptoms to be this bad.

Before we left this morning I asked Trish to take some pictures of us together. And one with me and Simon and the baby.

He didn't want me to leave. He didn't want to go back there. He was shaking.

I realize that the odds are probably heavily in favor of the vet recommending that he be euthanized. I just don't want it to be there. I want him to be able to come home and say goodbye to everyone.

If there is even a chance that he could recover then I want to try nursing him for a while. Trish has the baby to take care of so I can drive home every day for lunch to carry him outside and hold him on his feet to 'go.' That was the big problem last night and this morning. He doesn't understand that I want him to take that opportunity to take a leak. If we can make that work then then we've bought some time.

He doesn't want to go. He's not ready. I can tell when he looks at me. I have seen animals that wanted to go and that asked me to help them. That is not what is happening here. Simon is confused and he doesn't understand why his legs aren't working right (I don't understand either) but he wants to live.

He's my little boy. My little boy wants to live.

10:43 a.m. - 2007-10-09

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