cellini's Diaryland Diary

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'I Have It'

Yesterday afternoon I stood in line at the grocery store. The cashier rang up my stuff and I saw a sign taped to the register. Something about donating a dollar at the checkout for cancer research. So I asked her to put that on as well. As she scanned the ticket, her hands suddenly froze and she started sobbing.

"I'm sorry" she said. "I have it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I have it. I just found out yesterday. Head and neck cancer. It's back after 5 years."

She was completely in tears now.

"Yeah, I had it too."

She brightened a bit.

"Really? What did you have?"

"Nephroblastomatosis. Wilms tumor. They took a kidney out. I find that I do pretty well with just the one."

"They said I have to start radiation again."

"Yeah, I've had a few scares over the years, too. They've got a new drug coming out soon that stops healthy cells from self-destructing when they get hit with the radiation. Pretty soon it won't be so bad as it was."

The young woman behind me wearing Converse sneakers looked uncomfortable. She had a box of cereal and a bottle of Pepsi. She was silent and pretended to be very interested in the conveyor belt.

"My hair fell out last time."

"Yeah, me too."

She pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. I looked at her hair. Long, straight and blond. 3 or 4 years worth of growth, for sure.

"Your odds aren't bad, you know. Most people with cancer survive. It's a pain in the ass for a while and then they survive."

"I hope so."

I gathered up my plastic bags.

"Good luck."

"Thank you. Thank you."

I thought about her as I started the engine and left the parking lot. It wasn't quite true, what I said. Sure, most people with cancer survive. But not with head and neck cancer. Odds of surviving that are less than 50%. Probably closer to 30% since she's got it in multiple places. Having already made it 5 years since the original diagnosis, her odds could be a little better than someone newly diagnosed. But still, she'll probably be dead in 3 years.

The day had warmed up considerably and the sun was shining. Leaves are unfurling now and the trees are really green instead of just hinting at it.

10:28 - 2008-04-16

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