cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am in such pain today I am sorry to whine about pain. I try to keep my mouth shut and not complain but I am just in so much pain today I can't keep quiet about it. As I have mentioned here before, I have 'tennis elbow' in both arms. I think I got it in the right elbow as a result of swinging a hammer long and hard while constructing a small building a few years ago. I went through months of physical therapy before being told by my physical therapist on one of the last visits that odds are that no amount of physical therapy or medication will ever cure this. It will probably come back periodically. Which it has. A year or two ago I had some work to do with a hammer, so I tried switching to my left hand. This worked pretty well for a week or so before my left elbow promptly gave out as well. So now I have chronic pain in both elbows. The only things that really help are opiates and cortisone shots. I get a shot in each tendon every 5-6 months. This makes the pain vanish for 2-6 months, depending on whether I do anything with the arm to inflame it again. Today my left one hurts. A lot. Acutely in some positions, blindingly when I bump it into something like a doorway. And there is a dull ache that runs halfway down my forearm at all times. I just want it to stop. I just want the pain to stop. And I don't live the kind of life where I can just stop doing things that will inflame the tendons. Wood needs to be split, brush needs clearing and cutting, nails need hammering, etc. I just want to use my fucking arms as nature intended. There is only one option. Surgery. And it fucking horrifies me. I accidentally saw pictures of it being done and I just cannot do it. I do not want my body flayed open like that. Plus I would have to have it done twice. There is a period of at least a month after surgery where that arm is useless. Obviously I cannot have both of my arms non-functioning at once. So after the whole long recovery I would be going in to do it all over again. The kicker is that I am almost out of codeine, which I brought back boxes of it from Paris (legally, too - I even declared them at customs to avoid any accusations of wrong-doing). I had a prescription for vicodin last year but that is long gone. I don't need pain medication every day or even every week, but when I do need it I need it bad. This is one of those times. Yeah, it's stupid of me to whine about this. I apologize. Complaining is not going to do me any good. 11:03 a.m. - 2009-06-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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