cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simon is Unwell Lately, sometimes I wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep because I start worrying about shit. I'm not making as much money as I really need to. I have no immediately prospects or plan of any kind for how we are going to get into a more habitable house. The workshop is still sitting there only partially finished and the rain is getting in because the roofing felt blew off in heavy wind. I need to get some fiberglass roofing panels to fucking dry the thing in already but I don't have the money. And I can't get them one at a time because I don't have a truck anymore. Its hard for me to do any kind of work on it at the moment since my arms aren't working properly and I can't swing a hammer. Meanwhile, the tractor I bought a few months ago - to replace the previous broken tractor - is still broken. It needs new coils and plug wires. But I don't have the money for the parts. Every time I look out the windows I see one of those things as a reminder of horrible failure. I've been waking up in the night and thinking mostly about those things. Also about the fact that the bison hunt is all fucked up and not happening for lack of money. All of this shit comes back to money. I would also like to have one more baby but I don't feel like I have a good place in the world to offer to it. Not in this house, which is practially falling down. I wish that Trish could get a job again. Ida starts Kindergarten next month. But I would feel horrible about Harry or a future baby having to go stay with strangers all day long while we are at work. I worry that it is going to be pretty rough on him when Ida starts school. Kindergarten is all day here. She's his best friend and he's always had her with him. They belong together. I wish I could spend more time at home with them. Simon had some neck pain yesterday after work. I don't know if this will get as bad as it did 2 years ago when he was paralyzed. I immediately gave him 2 prednisone pills that I kept around just in case of this. This morning I gave him one pill. If he seems a little better then I will give him half a pill once a day for a week. If he hasn't improved or if it gets any worse then he goes straight to the vet for a cortisone injection. This would be damned bad timing if he ends up paralyzed again. He would need constant nursing for a few months. Which I don't mind doing, except that I'm going to Munich in 21 days and I don't trust Trish to take proper care of him while I'm gone. 2:46 p.m. - 2009-08-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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