cellini's Diaryland Diary

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San Juan

For a few days there, I lost my focus. This was while I was in Puerto Rico and for the first day or so after returning. It kind of freaked me out. I got worried that I was drifting without taking any concrete steps to be making shit happen in my new edu-tainment career.

However, in retrospect this was stupid. I was on a fucking vacation in San Juan. Of course I lost my focus - that was the whole fucking point. Last night as I lay in bed I got smacked with this horrible wave of doubt and fear that I wasn't doing enough and that my moment had passed and that none of this would work out and I'll be destitute in a couple of months.

This is why it is a good thing that I have all of this other shit scheduled for the next 6 weeks or so. In 2 weeks I have my February weekend class, then in early March I have that interview for my feature on a nationally syndicated radio show, a week or 2 after that is my NYC Sl0w F00d workshop. Somewhere in there an anthropologist is coming down to spend a few days with me (why?). The point is that I stacked my shit up so much while I was heavily motivated that I can't slow down even if I want to. I'm already committed so far out that sitting down is not an option.

Then I came into work today and found an email from the TV show production company that I'm optioned with. They want to talk about this and that today, apparently they have been finding some interest among cable channels in doing a show around me but they are struggling with their concept. So I offered to pitch them my awesome show concept based on the second book that I'm suddenly working on. We're supposed to talk on the phone later about the details. So now I'm all jazzed again.

I really need to stay late at work today to finish my book proposal that my agent needs ASAP, but we just got hit with another blizzard and it might be kind of sketchy to drive home after dark. MY FUCKING LAPTOP DIED. The one I just bought a few months ago. Its still under warranty, but that's not the point. It will probably be at least a month until I have it back. Meanwhile I have a fuck ton of work that needs to get done on it. I wish I had the cash to just walk out and buy some other cheap laptop to use until I get the other one back, but I am flat fucking broke right now.

It feels ridiculous to be in the middle of all of this shit and literally not know how I'm going to pay for gasoline tomorrow. TV and book deals and interviews and workshops and I cannot put gas in my car. I get paid on Monday and then after that is my weekend workshop, which should put some cash back in my pocket for a little while. Although I need to spend some of that money on another trip to NYC in March to do this Sl0w F00d workshop.

I got recognized in a beach-front bar in San Juan the other day. There was this pack of large women in their 50's from NJ and NY and one of them recognized me from some media coverage, and then all the others remembered reading about me in the Times or hearing me on the radio or whatever. That was really weird. They asked to have their pictures taken with me.

8:55 a.m. - 2010-02-11

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