cellini's Diaryland Diary

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Do or Die

Things are not looking really good right now. Trish's car is leaking radiator fluid, can't be driven for fear of overheating and it probably needs a new radiator. That'll be probably around $300 at least.

I need to be buying my train ticket to NYC today but its not clear that the money exists to do that with. We *might* be able to either fix the car or send me to NYC to teach this workshop, but probably not both. Not out of today's paycheck at least. Possibly a trip to a pawn shop could get me there.

I had a talk with my father this morning in private and everything is pretty much out on the table now in terms of our company's future as well as my own. My job will not exist in 18 months. It might not exist at the end of the year. 18 months from now, this company will probably consist of my father and one part time assistant.

There is no pot of gold here. Things have been getting worse and worse in this industry and there is now next to zero hope that I can continue in this current career even if I wanted to. I have to find a new job pretty soon. I have expressed a desire to do that in the past, but now I have no choice. The clock is ticking.

My question is whether I can make the career change I've been trying for. If I were to get a new desk job somewhere else, there is no way I would have this same flexibility to pursue teaching and writing simultaneously.

What it all comes down to is that the next few months are make or break. I probably have less time to make this transition that I had been planning for. I suspect that I need to make this thing into a full-time paying career that I can live off of within the next 3 months or else I won't be able to do it at all. After that, the odds of needing to find another salaried position immediately start getting very high. Once that happens, I doubt that I will be able to devote the same time and energy into books and teaching.

Man, this is a really tough spot to be in.

10:22 a.m. - 2010-02-26

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