cellini's Diaryland Diary

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I Am Drowning & My World is Falling Apart

Well, fuck. I just found out that I have to come up with another $84 for something by Monday morning. Also my hot water heater broke last night. We no longer have heat or hot water. Also the pressure tank for the well was already broken, so what we now have is cold water that will sporadically trickle out of the faucets.

Things are getting very bleak. My house is borderline uninhabitable. I think that I can fix the hot water heater but it requires a $12 part that I have no money for.

A few hours ago I sent out an email for an April class but no sign-ups so far. I am so fucked here. If I get some sign-ups over the next few days then we'll make it. Otherwise I don't know what is going to happen. My tax refund won't be here until April 6th and there's no way that my book advance will come before then. We're almost out of food. Even the venison is almost gone since we've had to rely so heavily on it.

Now I know why people rob convenience stores. It seems completely retarded, but I'm starting to understand it. I'm just absolutely desperate. If I can't get the hot water working soon then I expect that lacking food, hot water and heat we will have to send the kids off to stay with relatives. Maybe Trish will take them to stay with her at her parents' house.

If that happens then my whole life will be torn apart. The question will become one of whether I can get all of us living under one roof together again.

This is how it happens. In slow motion, this is how people's lives go completely to pieces and how you can lose everything no matter how smart, well-educated or hard-working you are.

2:00 p.m. - 2010-03-23

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