cellini's Diaryland Diary

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Hey, I fucking won this morning

Something else needs to be said about my class this morning.

I am fucking addicted to soaring victories. Knock on wood and shit, but every time I go out on a limb and do something like this I FUCKING ACE IT.

The congratulations and the brilliance of the moment of conclusion. Knowing that I just put on a perfect performance that was engaging and entertaining and educational all at the same time is an incredible rush. A rush that I enjoyed when I was moonlighting in politics and gave speeches, and it is a rush that I get out of putting on events now.

Really, there is nothing like it. Knowing that I walked right into the gaping maw of potential disaster and humiliation and yet that I took that situation and made it into something that everyone there loved. I find this thrilling.

Whether I'm teaching a continuing education class for a bunch of insurance agents or putting on a cooking demonstration and speaking event for the New York T1mes and a bunch of food writers, or speaking at a party fundraiser in front of 2,000 people about a candidate that I want them to vote for. In all of these cases I get my fix and it is incomparable.

Jesus fuck, just imagine what it will be like when I get to do Sl0w F00d conferences in Stockholm or Melbourne with thousands of people, or when I'm wrapping up the filming for my TV show. That will be incredible. I'm good at this. I really am. I'm good at this and this is what I SHOULD be doing for a living.

I get off on these victories. I really do. And it took me a really long time to realize that this is a rare thing, to be able to walk into these situations without freezing up or stammering or doing just a lackluster job that gets me through to the finish. I'm good at this, at a level that some people have to work really hard to get to. And it would be a fucking shame to let this ability go to waste.

Ok, I should clarify something. I actually do work really hard at this. For every hour of class material that I have written, I have spent at least 4 hours working on it, both writing it and giving convincing performances to the wall. I put a lot of thought into my thesis for a speech or lesson plan or presentation, and I hone my anecdotes and perfect my notes and delivery until I know that what I'm going to do will be perfect. I don't need to go memorizing anything per se, but I still put a significant amount of work into it.

What I don't know is whether it is weird to bother putting in the work, or if it is weird to manage to plot out something that people want to listen to, or if it is weird to be able to pull off what was planned.

I can honestly say that I have a talent for this which I was late to recognize in life. But it may just be that I'm bothering to put in the preparation time. I dunno. But regardless, I fucking rocked this thing this morning, after having watched so many people do this shit badly over the last 11 years. And while I don't plan to stay in that business much longer, it bodes well for my ability to get speaking gigs and a TV show.

9:55 p.m. - 2010-04-21

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