cellini's Diaryland Diary


I Don't Ever Want to Die

I possess the remarkable skill of being able to completely ignore people who have seriously pissed me off, to the extent of not even bothering to click on an email that they sent me. It can just sit there right in front of me in the inbox for hours, days, years or forever. And I don't read it.

Anyhoo, in unrelated news I had an extremely vivid and specific dream last night about being dead. I was a ghost in my house trying desperately to talk to my wife and children. My 3 year old could sort of see me and could hear me talking to him, my 6 year old could hear me a little bit sometimes and my couldn't see or hear me at all; with the exception of being able to hear me when she was half asleep.

I was trying to pass messages to Trish through my 3 year old son, but of course he wasn't always cooperative and didn't necessarily repeat it back correctly. What with being 3.

The more I think about it, the better off I am by not getting too specific about the details of this dream. It is better if I forget about it after writing this down because it was incredibly sad to experience. I was trying to touch my wife and I couldn't. I think that this was about a week after my funeral and they were all so sad. She didn't really believe that Harry was actually passing her messages from me.

It got worse in a sense, because during this very long dream days passed and I went to sleep and woke up several times. Including once in my own bed next to Trish. So when I finally did really wake up in the night I didn't know for certain what was going on. I didn't know if I was actually awake or if it had been a dream or not. For several minutes I literally thought that I was still a ghost laying next to her.

I don't ever want to die. Not ever. If I could choose immortality, I would. Not to say that I wouldn't give my life for an important cause or in order to preserve someone else's life, but I don't want to ever die. I literally hope that I could live long enough for nanotechnology to allow cells and DNA to be repaired, allowing indefinite lifespan that is endangered only by sudden violent accidents.

If I do die, I would like to have enough money to be cryogenically frozen and hopefully brought back some day. And meanwhile I do not ever want the plug pulled on me or the feeding tube pulled out if I'm on life support.

1:40 p.m. - 2010-04-27


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