cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mary is Wonderful In terms of the actual me, there's really been nobody to talk to in ages. Even Jenny has been busy for a long time and I always feel like I'm bothering her when I chat her on gmail. But I was thinking a few minutes ago how lucky I have been with Mary. I'm home alone right now. Trish and the kids are at some school fair thing and I spent the last hour sitting in a chair at a table that I put in the middle of my upper meadow, where I sat with a bowl of beef stew and a bottle of wine and a good book. It was lovely. So I drank that whole bottle of pino grigio out in the meadow with the sun on my cheek and I thought about women. The truth is this: there is a linear progression of women whom I have truly loved since the age of about 5. It can be truly said of each and every one of them - and it is not all that long a list given the time - that I would have been perfectly happy to marry each of them and give them the rest of my life. Trish distinguished herself by being very forward (ie putting out on the first date) and sticking around. This was a very sound strategy, because I am loyal by nature and will not abandon someone who needs me. Suggesting that we get married, when I was 17 and she was 19, was also a very smart move. Bravo, Trish. Not to minimize Trish in the least, but if any of the women in my life had proposed that AND STUCK AROUND, then I would have given them the same. Literally from any age onward. I hope that I have been a good husband. I have done my best and given her everything that I could. Literally, in my entire adult life, I have never once received a paycheck that I considered mine. We have had a joint bank account since I was 17. Every penny that I have ever made, even before I was an adult, has been for her. I have literally given over every moment of my labor for the last 14 years to her. Now she doesn't do any other work. She stays at home while I work 2 jobs and hustle as hard as I can for her and the kids. And. And... this sounds like me being an asshole, but I feel like its been completely unappreciated. I just sent Mary an email. A drunk email. Apologizing for having failed to write letters back to her when she sent me letters when we were kids. It wasn't her fault. There was nothing wrong with her and I want her to understand that. She was wonderful and still is. I feel like something very important has been amended by bringing Mary back into my life. Literally, there is nobody else in the world aside from family whom I have known longer than her. She and her happiness is extremely important. This makes the high probability of a 3 or 4 way / swapping situation that much more important to manage properly. She is very happily married and I really like her husband. When he starts fucking my wife and I start fucking his, we need to keep things running smoothly. And look, apart and aside from and well beyond my desire to fuck Mary, I want her to be happy. I really, really want her to be happy with whomever she decides to be with. Words cannot possibly describe what a saint that she has turned into. I mean really - she is just completely fucking awesome and is perfect and she deserves happiness above all others. And her husband is, I think, exactly the perfect person for her to be with. HE is a fucking saint as well, and a saint who has brought out the best in her. At the end of the day I am very fortunate to have the friends that I do and I will do well to remember that when I am bitching about my general situation. 7:19 p.m. - 2010-04-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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