cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does it have to be this way? Two entries in one day. Unecessary but whatever. I am tired of being so isolated. Tired of having nobody close to me any more. I'm constantly alone on a stage. I don't know what I did to deserve to end up like this. It is fucking pathetic what I've missed out on. It is pathetic and stupid that I am married to someone I can't really have an honest conversation with. Never once in my life have I ever had a 100% emotionally honest moment with her. And that isn't her fault. I am not angry at her for that. The situation just makes me sad. Throughout my entire adult life, the slightest hint of romantic love has only ever meant one thing: suffering. There has never been an upside. Not even briefly. Only a sense of guilt and unrequited longing. I got engaged when I was 17 and I kept my word all those years to stay with this person and take care of her. But WHY does that have to mean feeling like this? There is no rationalizing away the reality of a brain full of serotonin lighting up various unfortunate areas. 1:42 p.m. - 2010-06-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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