cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Collapsing Through her sloppiness, I stumbled across her new, secret online diary or blog or whatever. It sure does sound like she hates me and is preparing to leave. I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'm the one who has good reason to leave her, not vice versa. I am horrified at the idea of her doing this to our children. Now that I've read what I read today, I am not sure that there is anything to salvage at all here. She seems to have zero regard for me whatsoever. I wonder how long this has been the case? She wrote such terrible things about me. The way she phrased something in particular, I don't know that I can ever bring myself to have sex with her again. My faith in the world has dissolved. I don't trust anyone over the age of 9. I'm on the cusp of a total breakdown. I don't know what or who I'm working so hard for any more. What would it be like to know that a woman actually loved me? That someone really gave a fuck at the end of the day whether I lived or died? I feel like a ghost sometimes. Floating around in this very familiar place without really being a part of it. Completely disconnected from the world of the living. There isn't a single person left whom I feel genuinely connected to. Everyone gone. The idea of my leaving her suddenly seems ridiculous and pointless. Where would I go? What else is there? Nothing to stay for and nothing to run to. 3:26 p.m. - 2010-07-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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