cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Overthinking It Hey, you what sucks? Writing 4,000 words or so and then reading it over and deciding, "this is nowhere near the best that I can do." Select text. Delete. Start over again. Sometimes I think that I deliver the crappiest material when I'm over-thinking it. Just fucking write shit down and tell the story and edit it later. That's the better way to go. Like I usually do here, only with actual editing. Seriously, I am looking to get an advance of between $30-50k for this book. It had fucking better be good. While I have some serious need for cash ASAP, if I write a chapter that sucks then it needs to be re-written. Period. Meanwhile I am so very far behind on email and other random shit. Various little things I'm supposed to write for people and projects and I'm falling behind. This leads to horrible self-loathing. I invited my cousin to come down for opening day of deer season next month. The cousin who I hadn't seen for about 15 years until my grandfather's funeral. He is an obsessive fisherman and was really interested in hunting, but didn't have any opportunities up in MA. I think he's only about 21 years old. I hope he'll come down for the opener. If he does, I'll see about lining up the materials to build him his own deer rifle when he gets here. I'll need about $300 worth of stuff to do that. If the rest of my my advance for the first book arrives in time (ha, fat fucking chance) then I'll order all of the parts. Otherwise I have rifles that he can borrow but it won't be half as awesome as him getting to build his own deer rifle to take home. It is a weekend. Not only a weekend but a 3 day weekend. Weekends are a pain in the ass now. Days when I should be working but other people expect me to be doing other shit. Going in to my old office to work hasn't really worked out. I feel like I don't belong there. And it truth, I don't. It feels so strange that the world there kept turning after I left. I did a pretty damned good job of training people to take over my duties and lo and behold they have done so. Time goes by much more quickly since I quit my day job. Or maybe its just that I did it right before the shift from summer to autumn. Leaving for that long trip to Florida shortly after quitting was a good idea. That trip reset my whole sense of what was going on. What I feel like I need right now is another trip like that. The trip to Eleuthera will address that nicely, except that I'm not supposed to go for that until the first week of December. One hell of a long wait. The main thing holding it off that far is money. If I started cashing my IRA in on Tuesday, I could go sooner. But wait. How soon could I really go, anyhow? October is booked up already, with this pig hunt in GA and a 2 day class to teach and a trip to NYC. And I've just invited my cousin to come down here in the middle of November, plus I've got to get the manuscript complete enough for my agent to sell before December 1st. Feh. I guess it *has* to wait until December 1st no matter what I do. I am so longing to get back on the road. GA will be a road trip at least. I need to call my guy in Eleuthera tomorrow. Firm things up. I feel like I'm getting good at what I do. Set up these excursions and go on them and film stuff and come back and write about them. The question remains to be seen whether I can really get paid enough to keep doing this. 11:07 p.m. - 2010-10-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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