cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear You We have no real marriage any more. Let's establish that up front, ok? You and I have no relationship whatsoever aside from coordinating who is doing what to take care of the kids and pay the bills. And we haven't for a long, long time. I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. We just don't have anything in common whatsoever. And though I have tried again and again to express some type of physical affection towards you, you reject it every time. I've gotten the point and I have not only stopped trying but I've also lost interest. All we really have now is history. A lot of history. But I don't see any kind of future. And the present kind of sucks. This isn't a question of my wanting to cut you out of my life. Not at all. I would be perfectly happy to see you every day and continue to raise our children jointly. I don't even mind providing for all of your material needs, as I have done for many years. What I mind is the fact that I'm expected to live this celibate life without having a woman around who is physically affectionate, intellectually challenging, willing to be a creative force in my life, and a social asset. You don't do any of these things. No, its not that you are stupid. You are perfectly capable of being an intellectual presence in my life. You just choose not to be, on account of your interests now being primarily a bunch of retarded pop culture shit and fan fiction universes that are totally irrelevant to me. Remember when you were researching the Picts? Studying dead languages and alternate views of British history? Yeah, I wish you'd kept doing that instead of spending night after night watching shitty Japanese cartoons and writing slash fiction. Its not that I want you gone. Its that I want someone in my life who does what you once did, long ago. You were the one who quit on me, not vice versa. I've been sitting here for the last few years waiting for you to come around and it just isn't going to happen. And how long, exactly, am I supposed to be miserable? For how long am I supposed to wake up from a dream about a woman who did something as simple as hold hands with me and discuss a book and recall that it was all pretend and what I actually have beside me is the 2 kids that you put to bed between us EVERY FUCKING NIGHT? We're just done. And I can't understand why you should have any problem with the idea of my pulling out, since its not like I'm replacing you with someone else. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO STOPPED DOING THE FUCKING JOB. I am one decent book advance from walking out. A few weeks, at the most. I hate the shithole that you have turned our house into, physically. I don't hate you, but I hate the fruits of you laziness. I cannot live in the physical environment that you constantly create. And I feel reasonably certain that there is a woman out there who can fill the void in my life that you have created. 7:56 p.m. - 2010-11-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||