cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Am A Workaholic I've got guiding gigs lined up for most of this coming week. At $200 a pop they should put me into safe territory for paying for my trip to Eleuthera and getting through the month without any disasters. It is 4 am and I'm still awake, having been writing gun reviews for the last few hours since I desperately need the money. Paying for Christmas presents is a bit of a worry. I would like to have a budget of at least $500 for that. That is going to be tough, since I probably won't be able to write any rifle reviews while I'm on my trip. Deer season ends in early January around here and then the guiding will be over. I suppose that I can try to tutor people on hunts for geese or small game. Probably I could charge just as much. Things are bad with Trish. She has essentially no affection for me at all. Everything is perfectly civil most of the time, but when I was sick a few days ago I asked her to please lay next to me and she flat-out refused. Out of nowhere. She just didn't want to. Things like that are taking their toll. I think that she sees me as essentially just a security blanket/roommate. She doesn't want me to leave, since then she would have to get a job and wouldn't be able to sit in front of her screen all day and watch retarded Japanese anime cartoons that she downloads form some pirate site. I provide income, food, shelter, health insurance, etc. That's really all I am to her now and she isn't willing to be anything to me in exchange. I am no longer particularly happy with this arrangement and it will have to change one way or another. She had the nerve to complain tonight that I am a workaholic. Yes, of course I am a workaholic. And where the fuck does she think that she would be right now if I wasn't? We barely make ends meet. There is no room for fucking up here. If I had put even 10% less time and effort into this career that I have in the last year, we would literally be bankrupt right now. Its funny how she complains that I work too much, and yet when I'm around and available she ignores me. And she has never once gone looking for a job or researching childcare options. Just complain, complain, complain without contributing anything to the solution. 4:14 a.m. - 2010-12-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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