cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Laziest Lit Agent in the World I have no use for my agent. None at all. I just had a long phone call with her and she seems intent on not actually doing her job. She had the nerve to actually question whether she should be pitching the new book to anyone except for my current publisher, which is already about to bid. What the fuck? Lady, what exactly do you think that your job is? I am perfectly capable of getting my current editor to look at a book proposal. Your job is to get a bunch of different editors who I don't know to look at it so that we can get multiple offers and obtain as much income as possible. She has reluctantly agreed to do the job that she was supposed to be doing all along. Then she starts pooh-poohing the odds of getting much of an advance, saying that she isn't expecting any more than I got for the last book. Um, I had zero platform when we sold the last book. Now I get interviewed and mentioned in every press outlet under the sun. Non-fiction plus platform equals money. I am absolutely worth more as an author now than I was a year ago. So I said ok, lets say that the worst case scenario is that we only have the one offer and its for only $20k. What I would need to do is start selling foreign rights in as many markets as possible as quickly as possible. Preferably in time for payments to start coming in before the end of the year. This is a very sensible route, I believe. Blah blah, blah. Wet fucking blanket. She thinks that this publisher will probably insist on world rights. Well guess what, lady? I'm fucking insisting on holding on to them and if its going to be the key to making this book a financial success then I'm putting my foot down on it and I expect you to DO YOUR JOB by negotiating for it. If you don't pitch the book to editors, and you don't want to engage in negotiation to get what we need, and you sound put out and sigh every time I suggest doing some actual work (like acting as though the process of selling foreign rights is more trouble than it is worth), THEN FUCKING QUIT YOUR JOB. Apparently she does not enjoy working as a literary agent. Well, then stop pretending to be one. I'm really worried that she is going to fuck this up royally and I'll end up getting next to nothing for a book that should be a $50k advance. With a $20k advance, after her commission and before taxes I would be getting a check for $8,500 on signing and then another $8,500 a really long time from now when they finally have the book put to bed. If this first book with them is any indication then I won't see that second payment until next year. So, an advance of $8,500 to travel all around the US for 3 months and cover my expenses up to this point and provide any sort of living expenses for my family? No fucking way. I've already spent probably at least $6,000 of my own money on this book. The remaining travel will cost at least $10,000. This math makes no sense. I would maybe consider a $25k-$30k advance if it was only for US and Canadian rights. If they offer me only $20k for world rights then I will walk away. In that case I'll do whatever travel for the book that I can while scraping up the money from random sources and shelf the book until after the first book has seen a quarter or so of sales figures and then I'll re-market it through a different agent. 3:33 p.m. - 2011-02-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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