cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spring Thaw The day before yesterday I came very close to throwing in the towel. The situation with my agent has become virtually intractable, as she has dug in her heels and doesn't want to be dumped. No offers had come in yet for the book, nobody was acting interested except for my current publisher, who had been taking so long that I decided they were just full of shit. Sl0w Food still hadn't gotten back to me after months about the big l10nfish event. I realized that I had nothing whatsoever on the horizon that was definitely happening which would either advance my career or provide a penny of income. Moreover, we just found out that Trish's car has a blown head gasket and is probably totaled because of it. Its not going to be fixed any time soon and consequently I am fucking TRAPPED at home day after day because Trish keeps needing to use my car to shuttle the kids around. It has become almost impossible to do any of the things I'm supposed to be writing about. All of this hit me at once and I realized that if something didn't happen immediately, I'm going to have to give up. Put the new book away, cancel all plans, and go looking for a day job. Give up completely on my entire career. Right then, that evening, I got a series of emails in quick succession. My current publisher said they'd heard back from the scientist they'd been asking about the safety of certain things in the new book, and that they are about to finally send me their offer. Then an editor from another publisher wants the book, although he wants me to take it in a slightly different direction and wants to know if I'm willing to do that (I am). He's presenting it at their next editorial board meeting and if he has his way then they will make an offer for it. Then today I heard from Sl0w Food NYC. They are being slow poke fuck-ups and want to do a somewhat different event along the same lines in the fall. That's ok, because a friend who is on the board of SF is helping me to line up a chef and restaurant in NYC to just put the event together ourselves. We're going to talk to SF USA about putting it on under their banner, which would add to the prestige of the thing and hopefully their name will help us to raise some money for it. Suddenly there is hope again. I'm laying on the couch right now. I seem to sleep on the couch most nights. Things are friendly between Trish and I but its become so painfully clear that she has no real interest in me that I can't bring myself to lay down next to her. If I do then I can't sleep. I just lay there awake until 5 am, stressed out about the situation with her and with the reality that this person lying next to me does not have the slightest bit of sexual interest in me. There is hardly any room for me, physically, in that bed anyway. She keeps putting both kids to sleep in our bed, which is as clear a 'fuck you' as one could imagine. Between her and the 2 kids and the 2 dogs that can still get up on the bed, there is often literally no room for me to lie down and fully stretch out. So we aren't sleeping together any more. Is she really gay, like she had announced on New Year's Day? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. The good news in that department is that she isn't complaining about the fact that I'm at least sort of dating someone. She gets angry at me when I ask her to wear her hair down. There's no real affection towards me any more. Although as I said, we get along well so long as I'm not expecting her to act like a woman is supposed to act towards a man who cares about. 11:43 p.m. - 2011-03-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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