cellini's Diaryland Diary

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I Just Want to Die

It just gets worse.

Our health insurance has lapsed. I just don't have the $600. My children have no health insurance. Neither do I. Nor Trish.

I still have no transportation.

Every single day I think about killing myself. I think about how I should do it. Step out in front of one of the logging trucks that drives past the house a few times each hour? Yes, that seems sensible. My options are limited, what with not having any transportation.

Trish is utterly useless. In retrospect, I should have divorced her when she made her big announcement on New Year's Day. She doesn't help out in any way. No job. She doesn't clean and she doesn't help with the ongoing moving-out process.

I had no internet access for the last 3 days because our DSL modem died and I had no way of getting a new one.

I just give up. I don't care about the new book any more. Or the other book. Or anything else. I'm just looking for a good way to kill myself. I have no money, no more food, no health insurance, no prospects. There are no jobs to be had, no non-profits that will fund my work. I just want to die.

I just want to die. I just want to escape this. I want to escape my failures and my doom. I want to find a good, comfortable ending for myself and I am now actively looking.

9:41 p.m. - 2011-04-11

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