cellini's Diaryland Diary

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the part

the shift key on my keyboard is still broken so i'm still in all lower case mode. bah.

i got stopped by some people downtown today when i was on my way to the post office and i ended up being brought over to an outdoor cafe and plied with beer. i don't get out much, socially, for the last year or so. no money for bar tabs. it was strange to see how people react to me me, and it was strange to interact with people who are living in the normal, mainstream middle class american world.

they see me as this larger-than-life character and they all sort of pin their own opinions and angles on me automatically, assuming right away that i agree with them on everything. i find it awkward talking to the men on account of the tacit comparisons. when i'm called on to tell a personal story about hunting all night in a swamp full of alligators or eating snakes or speeding around in a possibly stolen jeep with a marijuana smuggler and a model on a tropical island, there just isn't much they can respond with.

they have a lot of awkward silences and then maybe tell some mind-numbing account of a phone call to IT support from someone who didn't know something they ought to have.

i just ended up making them feel small and boring and pointless and i felt badly about it afterward.

the women do not feel badly about it. the women can simply enjoy the story for what it is.

i look well these days after hunting so hard this past month. lean and tanned, even if my eyes are a little dark still from lost sleep. i look the part that i have to inhabit.

2:10 a.m. - 2011-06-17

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