cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There's No Place Like Home Its getting bad again. Really bad. Running out of food, almost out of gas. I'm hitting the pawn shop in the morning. Whatever shitty bit of cash I walk away from there with is all we have to work with until the end of the month. Even then, things won't really get much better. Our health insurance is now canceled for lack of money to pay for it and I have no idea when or how this will change. Its bad enough for me, but for my children this scares the shit out of me. My publisher owes me around $3k but there is no telling when it will actually show up. They are such fuckwits about paying their bills that I might not see that money for another 5 weeks. Trish has been trying to find a job for months without any success. Its all just bad. Its very bad. If she was making even as little as $1,500 a month then things would be massively better. In this situation I cannot take any joy in any thing. I find it impossible to write really productively. Yesterday I caught the biggest bass of my life and though I ate it for dinner today it gives me no happiness. I'm in bed alone, again. I don't recall sleeping with Trish without a child having been dropped between us in at least a month, probably longer. Two months? I don't know. She's not much of a wife. None of them gave me anything for father's day, or even acknowledged the occasion. I don't feel as though I belong anywhere anymore. When I'm on the road it feels good to be really fully on the job, but after a week or so I find myself terribly alone and wanting to go home. But at home I'm just as alone most of the time. I like doing things with my kids, but other than that I don't feel like I really belong in this house. Trish doesn't act anything like my wife any more. No place feels like home to me. I'm tired of having anything to do with TV producers and photographers and anyone involved whatsoever with creating and packaging mass entertainment. I hate everything about what they make. I hate every word that comes out of their mouths. I hate everything on D1scovery, N@t Geo, Tru, F00d, etc. etc. Its all absolute shit. Worthless, fake horseshit produced by vapid retards. I want to walk away from all of this stupid fucking TV shit except that I have to do it to protect the originality of the new book. All I want to do is write my books and teach a little bit and mind my own business and have things like health insurance and enough food to eat. I really don't feel like I'm asking that much. I don't want to host a TV show, 1:24 a.m. - 2011-06-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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