cellini's Diaryland Diary

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The Perfect Day

I just had THE BEST DAY THAT THERE EVER WAS.

It was perfect. The only thing that could possibly have made it better would be if Helenah and I had some real alone time. Which we didn't but it was still the most perfect day ever.

We filmed the TV show episode and I bagged the geese in a flawless maneuver that she caught on camera for her documentary and the TV guy captured as well. Every shot was was a dead goose. Every cast of my fishing rod nailed a bass. Literally EVERY SINGLE ONE. The hunt was perfect. We plucked the geese and saved the down and butchered the geese and ground the meat.

We made goose burgers and they were perfect.

We walked through the vineyard and I plucked dark, ripe grapes from the vines and placed them directly into her perfect mouth. She plucked goose fluff off of my face and told me to keep the fluff that was in my hair because it was cute.

The winery owners brought us bottle after bottle of their wine for us to drink. And the sky was perfect and the sun shone and the few clouds were perfect, too. And the light and the breeze. And everything was exactly as I had promised to her in my email to her last night.

She is the answer to all of my prayers. Helenah is everything I have ever hoped to find in a woman. I didn't know that it was even possible to be this much in love with someone.

Helenah follows me through woods and fields and anywhere in nature and loves it as much as I do. She finds the same wonder in a single mushroom as I. And she likes to travel and read about animals and botany and she speaks 3 or 4 languages and I could look at her face all day long without getting bored.

She was musing today about how she isn't sure how to end the movie when its time to do the final edit. What I wanted to say to her, but didn't because there were other people with us, was this: 'don't end it. Don't ever end it. Lets just go on and on together and travel around the world and make films and write books and have perfect days in perfect places and never stop for the rest of our lives.'

I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

All of this and she also happens to be a perfect 10, physically.

I love her and I love who I am in her eyes. She sees me as someone that I didn't realize was here. She sees a man who walks into a room and is quietly respected. She sees a man around whom a whole world of thousands of people revolves in varying orbits. She sees a man who suggests an idea to a dozen people and causes them to try to do things that they never knew that they could do, both for themselves and for him.

Helenah sees a man who is strong, kind, polite, respected, agile, intelligent, capable, accomplished and absolutely ruthless when necessary. I can see this in her eyes and hear it in her words.

Helenah makes me want to be better and to work harder.

I taught her how to fish today. I can't take my eyes off of her.

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I have been so happy all day. I came home and couldn't stop smiling and I still can't. Trish is sullen and angry at me for being happy. Because she knows perfectly well why I'm happy. She hasn't said much about it. A few comments here and there about 'you and your Swedish woman.' I wonder if she will get up the nerve to ask me this evening exactly why I am so happy. Because if she really asks then I'll tell her about it. I want to. I want to tell her everything and I want her to be happy for me.

The stupid thing here is that there is nothing for Trish to be jealous of. Helenah isn't usurping anything that Trish ever was to me. Trish never wanted to come hunting or fishing or hiking with me. She has refused me when I asked her. She's never wanted to spend an hour or 2 talking about, say, the botany of the G@lapagos Islands. She doesn't even like much to cook with me. She doesn't want to come on the road with me when I travel.

Those things in my life that Helenah is taking over are things that Trish always refused to participate in. On top of that, Trish refuses me sex or all but the most chaste of kisses. So what does she have to be so sullen about?

I really need to sit down and have a very honest conversation with Trish about all of this. I want to do this but I'm waiting until she's ready. Right now she's not. Trish knows pretty much what is going on. She can tell that I'm in love with Helenah. I haven't made the slightest effort to hide it. I haven't lied about anything and I won't. Everything about this is too good to start lying about.

Helenah hates lies. And that has been one of my pet peeves about Trish. She is a liar. She lies about big things, she lies about small things. She lies for reasons and she lies for no reason at all.

But I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm not going to dwell on comparisons between Trish and Helenah. Trish didn't really do anything wrong. She simply is the person who she is. Her interests are what they are. She can't force herself to be outdoorsy, adventurous, or heterosexual. I don't think that anyone should have to apologize for who they are or what they are interested in or what their sexual orientation is.

I want to tell Trish about everything with Helenah. I'm ready to talk about is as soon as she is. I hope it is possible for her to be happy for me. Why does she walk around in such a huff lately? There has been a big gap in my life for so, so long and it is finally being filled. Trish doesn't want much from me any more. What I think that she really wants from me is financial support, a friend to talk to and a father for our kids. I'm not going to stop being any of those things to her. Our relationship doesn't actually have to change at all, except in name. I'm trying to add something good, not take something away.

This is everything I have ever wanted. The perfect woman has showed up, announced her presence, and confidently insinuated herself into my life. She just sent me an email out of the blue and and stepped into my life and started being perfect. I didn't know that this was possible.

I am so very happy with Helenah. I have never been happier being with any other human being in my life.

1:47 a.m. - 2011-09-29

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