cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Skin I'm In I am trying to deal with all of the remaining edit requests on the new book this weekend. And I am so fucking sick of it. Its in the past for me. I'm done with it and I want to move on to the next book. I am suck of fucking looking at this thing but my editor keeps coming back. Meanwhile its hard to even find the time for this shit. I am working constantly to promote the book that launched a few months ago. I need to be pushing sales hard right now for Christmas. My pace of interviews has been pretty brisk. And they are good ones. I'm really really good at doing interviews now, either on camera, radio, or for print. I did a 3 part TV interview for future broadcast the other day while I was in DC. Another one today with a large regional newspaper. A big one for NPR last week. And I'm still going back and forth with more shit for this stupid Men's J0urnal thing. Also my wife is leaving me and my life feels like its falling apart, in spite of the hot Swedish filmmaker girlfriend. Trish wants to tell my parents right away. I don't want to deal with any of this. This will make me persona non grata among my family. Even though she is the one who is leaving me Hi, I wish I was dead. And now I'm supposed to push it all aside and edit this manuscript. And do interviews. Helenah and I went on a deer hunt together on Wednesday. I nailed one at 130 yards exactly as prescribed but somehow she managed to not get it on camera. This was a problem since she was supposed to be ending the documentary with that scene. Now we have to do it again somewhere when she gets back from Sweden in mid-January. I butchered it quickly in the field and then later that night I drove her home to DC and stayed that night and the next. On Thursday night it was finally time to meet her friends. Rather than hang out in some bar I cooked a 3 course meal for them that included venison from the deer we'd just gotten and bacon that I made and smoked from the pig we got in Texas. I thought that I did a pretty good job and there were no left-overs. Trish won't even taste anything that I cook, except for certain meat. Helenah and I have a great story and we really get along very well. But I should try to look at the bad as well as the good, eh? Ok, here is what is wrong with my relationship with Helenah: 1. She gets way too mad about small things. Like when I marveled at her insistence on putting the detergent in the washing machine before the laundry rather than after. This had never even occurred to me. She was furious at me for bringing this up and held it against me for the rest of the day. This sort of thing happens often. 2. Her limited sexual repertoire. She gives great blowjobs and has the patience to see them through. But she has no interest in anal sex, spankings, three-ways, cunnilingus, or anything else interesting. 3. She has been single for too long. She had a boyfriend for 2 years when she was 19 and 20. Not a live-in. Other than that she hasn't had a serious boyfriend. At the age of 27, she's gotten very comfortable with the default state of being alone and single. That doesn't bode well for a productive long-term relationship. She doesn't understand my sense of loyalty and thinks that if things cool off then people should just break up. Her idea of how to go about things sounds to me like a recipe for a world full of broken homes and lonely people. I don't think that she is someone on whom I can rely in both good times and bad. Right now she is head over heels in love with me. Desperately obsessed with the very sound of my name. I dare say that no woman has ever been as wholly in love with me as she is. But her commitment to me is based only on that. And this feeling cannot last forever. Without a sense of loyalty and familial obligation, she will leave me one day. I know this. What I need is a woman with a sense of loyalty and fundamental obligation as deeply set as my own. Yet of course I will not go out looking for one any time soon, because I have given Helenah my loyalty and I would not take that back without cause. 7:47 p.m. - 2011-12-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||