cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her Tenuous Life It is a really good thing that Helenah showed up and announced herself into my life. Because I do not want to date. I have no desire whatsoever to join that vapid culture of shit. I don't want to be single, but I think that I'd rather be single and alone than deal with that whole shitty universe of people going out on dates with each other and then switching to someone else a month later and whining about it to their friends. The problem I'm noticing with most western women (men too? I don't pay attention to them) is that they are selfish. So little sense of loyalty or commitment. Adrift in a sea of shoes, television and 'me time.' The funny thing is how they hit 40 and freak out about the fact that they aren't married and don't have kids. They *shouldn't* get married or have kids. They are emotionally retarded and would do a terrible job at being a wife or mother. I don't fit into this world. I know that the problem isn't really them -- its me. I have a set of ideals that is inappropriate for the time I live in. It still isn't clear to me whether Helenah can fit the bill. I hope that she can. I won't give up on her. I've given her my loyalty and that is something that will persist indefinitely. Visiting her in DC is strange. I like it better when she comes here instead. Her life seems very tenuous and small in a way that I find a bit depressing. The apartment without a dining table, or photographs, or proper pictures on the walls. A random roommate. Her apartment doesn't feel like a proper home. Its an in-between place, which makes sense since she is still in school getting her masters degree. I have never lived in a bachelor situation, aside from 2 semesters in a dorm room. I moved in with Trish when I was 19 year old and we've been living together ever since. We made our first apartment into a proper home and it was always important to me that we eat dinner at the dining table like civilized people. 1:46 a.m. - 2011-12-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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