cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And Fuck Us Really Hard I remember when I was 7 years old my mother bought the double LP set album of the soundtrack to 'Peter Pan.' I remember standing in the living room near the wooden slat shutters and hearing the lyrics, "...we won't be lonely any more 'cause Wendy... lovely Wendy, is here to stay (a mother, unless we have a mother." Someone is getting closer but still can't quite get there. Helenah has actually been moving up during the last two weeks. She taught the kids how to play marbles, which counted for a lot. She also showed them her personal pictures of tigers and baboons taken mostly in the wild, which impressed the fuck out of them. However, she also totally fucking bombed on the first day of our canoeing trip last week. A rain storm came out of nowhere and I had to pull over and make camp suddenly on an island that wasn't especially well-suited for it. She did not rise to the occasion. She slowed down (dangerous with lightning around!) and was generally no help at all in a crisis. But maybe I shouldn't judge her on that basis. She hasn't been through what I have in the outdoors. I think that many people probably need a failure or two to reflect on before they can stand up and do what needs to be done in the face of disaster. Once I made camp later on she did all right. But that doesn't matter so much. Its easy to be good company when a fire is going and the tent is up. How do you do when the wind is blowing and the thunder rolls and you're hungry and people need you to pull your shit together and do your fucking job? Maybe this doesn't matter to most people, but it matters one hell of a lot to me when it comes to choosing a potential wife. And oh yes, she wants to get married. She has a whole green card process that she is navigating right now. Helenah did all right the second day in the good weather. I hope that she can do well when bad weather comes up again. I've already decided that there is a test coming up. We're going out again on a 4 day trip. Hopefully I can make this happen with a thunderstorm is on the way. If she can't deal with a storm on the river cheerfully and usefully then I'm going to let her go. I literally fucking mean it. Being really hot and intelligent and Swedish is great and all, but it isn't enough on its own. I want strength of character. Taking it up the ass is also important (oh, she fails so far at that, too), but strength of character is far more valuable to me My kids are better at making a fire than she is. Maybe that isn't fair anymore. My kids are also better shots with a rifle than most adults I know. But Helenah has a long way to go, is my point. I am suddenly feeling really badly about all of that. Because she had a retarded melt-down the other night. Helenah is too possessive, jealous and critical. And she has these silent tantrums for hours every now and then. I cannot tolerate this shit. My kids should not have to wonder what the fuck is going on when some chick has a silent tantrum over the dinner table. That shit is non-negotiable. Fucking grow up. As for the possessive shit, also fucking grow up. I will watch porn if I want to. And note how I do not criticize you for watching porn. I am all in favor of it, lady. Other women do not compromise my primary relationship. I have almost two decades of experience to prove the fact. She seems to think that being attractive and Swedish will displace this problem. Huh. No. Meanwhile I'm off to NYC in a couple of days for a press event in support of the new book. I invited Helenah and now I am starting to wish that I hadn't. I could be fucking other very nice ladies while I am there. This is OK if she is actually nice to me and acts like a girlfriend is supposed to, though the canoeing incident will remain in my mind until she re-proves herself. Meanwhile, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmJ0YkLIEi4 And there I will be with writers from S@veu3r and the NY7 and so forth. But what I want is a woman who is tough enough and hot enough and strong enough to make it through the fire and just be in bed with me for the duration. Just show up and be strong and pull your weight and prove to me that you can fuck me or anything else really, really fucking hard. 1:20 a.m. - 2012-06-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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