cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alone Again Or A few days ago I came home off of the road after a big east coast trip. First I drove north to NYC, stopping in DC along the way to pick Helenah up. Then we drove the rest of the way up to NYC where I dropped a bunch of 1nv@sive snails off with a chef who I'd be cooking with the next day. We checked into an outrageously expensive hotel 3 blocks from the Empire State Building which my publisher was paying for. I got a first rate blowjob from my hot Swedish girlfriend, came in her mouth, and then we went to sleep. The next morning I had a meeting with a TV production company and my publicist tagged along (why?). The meeting went well. Then I had lunch with Helenah and the publicist and some communications lady from my publisher. Late that afternoon we had the main event. A 5 course dinner hosted with this chef to showcase a bunch of 1nv@sive species from my book. We had people from T1me M@gazine, Prevent10n Magazine, S@veur, 0utd00r L1fe, etc. etc. in attendance. The whole thing went perfectly! Everyone went home with what they needed. The journalists had good stories to write, I get to sell books when this thing launches at the end of the summer, Helenah got to film shit, my publisher gets to feel like they have a really hot author. The only thing missing is that I kind of really want to fuck my publicist. I forget what the fuck we did that night. Just sort of bummed around mid-town, I think, The next morning I had a stupid-early radio interview in a studio in some industrial wasteland in Brooklyn. Then we had to shop for a dress for Helenah while we were in Brooklyn but didn't really find anything, and then we went back into fucking mid-town for another meeting with the TV production company. They really want to do a show with me, which would be nice but I have heard this shit a million times before. Then I got myself one last gyro from a street cart (I fucking love the street food in NYC and its like half the reason why I love going to NYC so much) and we drove back to DC. We stopped along the way to find Helenah a dress in Delaware. What we needed the dress for was the Emmys in DC the next day. Helenah won a big-deal sort of award for cinematography in a documentary that she shot. So now she's an Emmy-winning filmmaker! This was a really big fucking deal, actually. There were all of these people there from PBS and NG and CNN and Discov. and shit. I got a teensy bit sort of a lot drunk and so did she. Then I had to drive back home after the Emmys once I'd sobered up enough. Because I had to do a phoned-in interview for another radio show, except that this one was live. Helenah doesn't have a landline and phone interviews over cell phones sound like shit. I always make a point of doing them over a landline. In fact, I have a really old corded rotary phone from the 1950s that has an excellent mic on it of the likes that nobody even makes on phones today. I prefer to use that phone for phoning in a radio interview and I like to think that it makes a real difference in the sound quality. Yet I only got two blowjobs the whole trip. WHAT THE FUCK?! C'mon, lady. I took you to NYC and checked you into a 4 star hotel with all expenses paid and then got you a dress and drove you back to DC and took you to the fucking Emmys. I get that you're on the rag, but I think that I've earned some anal sex here. This afternoon I did an interview with a reporter from The Atl@nt1c for their October issue, which should help sales for my new book. And I watched porn. And I wrote some stuff. And I pitched an article to the editor of 0utd00r L1fe that I met at the event in NYC. Now I have to pee. I have the house to myself. Its kind of lonely. Helenah is in DC for the next few weeks. I really need to get laid. I hate being alone. 11:50 p.m. - 2012-06-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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