cellini's Diaryland Diary

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Hunter/Hunted

So these two cougars picked me up last week in the grocery store. No lie.

I had just gotten paid a nice big wad of cash after spending two days teaching a pair of Navy helic0ptor pilots how to shoot, hunt, track, navigate on the ground in the dark without a compass, clean and cook wild game, etc. These guys flew out from the west coast to spend a few days with me and learn survival skills that they would like to have in case they ever get shot down or crash in enemy territory. They weren't happy with what they had been taught by the Navy during SEER classes many years ago.

That was a couple of hard days of work -- 12 hour work days in the cold without breaks -- but they were great students. Then I got home and found a couple of very big checks in the mailbox waiting for me. Sl@te paid me extra for my last piece on account of it becoming one of the most-read articles of 2012 (the wh1te t1ger article). So my lonely self went out to the grocery store for some nice beer to celebrate.

I kept seeing this really hot pair of older women. First in the beer & wine aisle. The blonde grabbed my attention first, which was odd because I prefer brunettes. I looked fucking great, because I've been out hiking and hunting and working outside for the last few months during hunting season. And I was wearing my brand new boots and a black CK pea coat that I'd been given for Christmas.

It seemed like they were looking at me, but I didn't want to assume anything. Bear in mind that I spent 17 years with the same woman, starting when I was 17, and I have never dated in my life. I don't know if a chick is into me or not.

They were giggling about something and then as they were about to turn around the corner the brunette turned toward me and asked, 'so, would you fuck her?'

Uhhhh...

I flashed my best 'not bad' facial expression, and then smiled. They disappeared. As they left the store later, that same one dashed back to me and asked for my phone number.

An hour later I get a call from them. Long story short, I invited them over. We made a big camp fire and drank wine around it. A bit of snow started to fall. It was nice. We hung out.

The blonde turns out to be a crazy submissive freak. I spanked the living hell out of her ass, fucked her for a while, then switched to fucking her ass. We took a break, then I fucked her elsewhere and came all over her tits.

Oh, it turns out that she's married. Whatever. She doesn't have any kids with him so I'm not worried about being a home-wrecker. She's something like 45 years old, which I find way hot. Much older than me.

We're supposed to hook up again later this week and I'm gonna fuck the friend, too. They have a whole sharing thing planned. Sounds good to me.

And N@tional Ge0graphic asked me to write a book for them. And I'm picking up a new (to me) car in a few days.

This past season I finally became a really great hunting guide. The last few seasons I was ok. For good reason I didn't advertise or even blog about that service. I only did it on request. But this year I got REALLY good at it. The work is hard, but I like the results. It pays all right and I become the personal hero of every client. I take ordinary, tired, bored people and I turn them into crack shots who can put a bullet through a pie plate at 100 paces from three different positions. I teach them how to read the ground for bear and deer sign. How to tell if that black bear passed by yesterday or five minutes ago. How to butcher a deer miles from any road with nothing but a knife and to pack the meat out, laced up tight in its own hide.

They leave all charged up. They become capable people for the first time in their lives.

I realized this year that what I'm selling isn't the client bagging a deer. My job is to make them into better human beings than they were when they showed up. And this year I got really good at it.

10:56 p.m. - 2013-01-06

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