cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And Eat Shit And Die Every day, I am sad. My wife is gone. Each day, each week, I panic and struggle to come up with the rent at the end of the month. I am done with this. I want a job. A paycheck. Oh, I am more famous. All the time I am more famous. I don't give a shit. Yesterday I delivered a lecture at a very prestigious university. Afterward, the professors of the department spoke with me and thanked me. The one that organized the whole thing spoke of how everyone to whom he mentioned the event knew, within a few sentences of description, who I was. Millions of people know who I am now. But I don't enjoy any of it. I have so little money that I have to look carefully after the gasoline that I expend and I can only make a trip into civilization when it is really necessary. I don't often get to arrive at parties or events or any place where there are other people to recognize me. I would like to get off now. I would like to sell out, or stop, or do something else. I am famous and desperately poor and I just want to have my existence and home and basic necessities of modern life paid for, somehow. My only hope of paying the rent ten days from now is literally through prostitution. A woman of a certain age would like to pay me for my company. She is attractive. Oh yes, I will do it. The worst part is that a little over a week ago I had a job. I was offered a job as the manager of a political campaign. I would have done a very good job in this particular position, in spite of having been out of politics for quite a long time. I had the job for 4 days before the candidate decided, on the eve before we were to file the signatures for ballot access, that he didn't want to do it after all. And I was suddenly without a job after all. A few days ago I walked down Main Street and saw newspapers in my boxes and my face was on one of them and the cover of my most recent book was on another. I would trade it all for a comfortable position for $40k a year somewhere. In two weeks I am due in NYC for about 6 days. First a stupid project with a Swiss journalist to provide her with a story for her paper about urban l0cav0re hunters. Then a few days filming with a documentary crew. They are all paying the expenses, and I only agreed to this because I like spending a few days in NYC running around and doing things. But this is the last one of these that I will do. No more. I am fucking sick of doing work for other people and organizations that make money while I starve. No more freebies for anyone. No more unpaid speaking gigs, hunting adventures, or anything else of that kind. The ridiculous thing is that this Swiss journalist had the nerve to promise that this would be 'great publicity.' Oh really? So I'll be famous in Switzerland? SO FUCKING WHAT? I'm already famous and it already doesn't keep my cell phone bill paid, already doesn't keep a roof over my head, and already doesn't put gas in my car's tank. So more of that is going to be helpful? Get the fuck out. So I've been putting the word out far and wide that I am looking for a jib. Preferably with an environmental non-profit, but I can't be picky. There are lobbying firms in DC that are interested. I would also be happy to work for a state or federal agency. Anything that will pay me a salary that I can live on. I'm just absolutely desperate right now. Everyone wants what I have to offer. In TV, print media, and speaking engagements. But nobody wants to actually pay me for my time and work. At this point all of these people can just go and fuck themselves. I'm done. Either this shit pays now or it doesn't. I am entitled to the dignity of a roof over my head. Anyone who wants something from me and isn't willing to subsidize that can eat shit and die. 11:36 p.m. - 2013-03-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||