cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Natalie is being an asshole Probably I should say something about the Natalie situation. I am the best thing that has ever happened to her career. She spent six years in Japan writing for what were big deal outlets over there. Here, the names mean nothing. She has spent the last year temping and doing dull, local photo gigs for an alt weekly. Then she met me, and I pulled her along into this whole other world. I brought her in as an editor on this film, paying her something like $5k a month (way more than I have made on the same project). She is now a plaintiff in a FOIA case with me that may affect presidential politics. I've given her interviews, introductions and clips that have moved her up considerably in the world of freelancers. I handed her an introduction to Sl@te Magazine to cover shit here in Ch@rlottesville. Certainly she has ability. Her stuff is good. But she is at a level that would put her on par with about 5,000 other freelancers in the US. I am giving her contacts and stories and intelligence (even doing interviews and handing her the quotes) that allows her to skip past those 5,000 other competitors without having to spend 2 or 3 years fighting to get to this point. So what am I? I'm not sure that she appreciates me on even the most basic terms for getting her to this point. I'm not sure that she recognizes me as a friend who did this for her. Am I willing to continue to be a utility for her career? I'm not actually romantically interested in her at this point. She's still being so shitty that I wonder to what extent I'm willing to cooperate. I got her a gig covering the 'White L1ves M@tter' rally in TN next week. But she has no fucking clue how to cover something like that. I will have to keep her safe for the whole thing. Literally, I'm willing to jump in the way and take a bullet for her. But why? Why am I doing all of this for someone who is such a dick about everything? My shoulders just ache. Fuck, I need a girlfriend. Someone to rub my shoulders. And I guess that Kerri is stepping up to fill that role, but I would really like that to be someone who is entirely available to me and appropriate as a permanent mate. 2:25 a.m. - 2017-10-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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