cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PBS and fucking this married chick &shit Today I got an offer from PBS. Two weeks ago, this would have been a dream come true. Right now, this is a good backup to have in case we don't get a solid offer from HBO or any of the other big networks and distribution channels. I am running ahead trying to book stuff in barnstorming mode in case HBO et al don't come through. With the PBS option, I would book screenings at dozens of independent theaters and at colleges around the US and Europe. We would do that for six months or so before having the film air on PBS and be syndicated across PBS affliliates around the country. Tonight Kerri took me out for dinner and then we went back to her place and I fucked her in the bed that she and her husband sleep in. We've hooked up a few times before but this was the first time that we have actually fucked. It feels like it doesn't quite count because she was ovulating so I used a condom and then came on her belly. She and her husband are polyamorous. This isn't the relationship that I would have chosen, but it's convenient and better than nothing. I'm kind of undateable at the moment, being usually broke and always super busy. But this is a good way to meet my basic needs. A date once or twice a week, charming arm-candy, and good sex with a super-hot curvy red-headed yoga instructor. There is no future here -- I want a wife and babies and dogs and a garden and a life together. But I feel better when I am with her and afterwards. Tomorrow I'm going to a party at Lauren's house. I'm not sure how to feel about this whole thing that is sort of going on with her. Her history is to go from one person to the next every 2-18 months. I don't want to spend a year dating someone who is a dead end. She impresses me with her talent and history. I would be very happy to be attached to her. But I don't want to be in another short-term relationship. Is Lauren capable of forever? What happens if I date Lauren? Is she capable of committing to a long term relationship? I don't know. Would she be open to having another baby? I really want another baby. Or two. I want a baby to take care of. And a toddler to snuggle. And a three year old to play with. And a four year old to run around in the woods with. As my current kids get older (I started early) I miss having babies and toddlers so much. That hurts every day. Every day I see people with little kids in strollers and I want that again. But I haven't had enough money for a long time to support that kind of life. And that's a big part of why I want this film to succeed. On HBO or PBS or wherever. I want the kind of life where I can have more babies and spend all day with them. 1:56 a.m. - 2017-11-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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