cellini's Diaryland Diary

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With a surprise blowjob

I wrote this entry last Sunday night (early Monday morning) while significantly drunk. DL was down at the time, so I couldn't post it til now. Here it is.


This was an unexpected evening.

First, I had an interview with a writer for Paste Magazine. And this dude raved about our movie. He loved it. He said that he started out watching it while catching up on email and doing other things, and about ten minutes into it he shut his laptop and closed the blinds and completely immersed himself in it. He thinks it is one of the most important films of our time.

Then I went to a party at Lauren's house. This was an unfortunate party, because it was to recognize the end of The S3cret St0rm, her band for the last 4 years or so. Two of my best friends were in that band. That's a really satisfying sentence to write. Jeff and Ethan have both become really important people to me. They are also both front men in their own right (Jeff is/was the lead singer of The L@st Dance, and Ethan performs as Just S3x), so they'll land on their feet and keep doing good work. But it is sad to see this awesome band come to an end. This was honestly my favorite band.

The proto-relationship thing was definitely happening while Lauren was also playing hostess. She said she wants my kids and her daughter to hang out together on Friday at a concert that our friends are playing at a nightclub downtown. She kept asking me to stay longer, and I made a fire in the backyard, but her sister is visiting so I knew there wasn't going to be any after-the-party intimacy and/or making out.

Right as I was thinking that I should bail from the party, I got a text from Polly. Polly was my daughter's middle school art teacher. Polly is married and poly. As in polyamorous. I took her out in my canoe to go catfishing over the summer, before all the insane shit here in Ch@rlottesville erupted. We made out a little bit at the end of that date but hadn't seen much of each other since.

I met up with her at her studio and helped her out doing menial art-making tasks while she worked on sculptures. Then we went out for a few drinks, and played pool (she won one game, I won the next, but she is definitely a better pool player than I am). And then we went back to her studio and kinda fucked. Lacking condoms, there was no penis in vagina. But we did everything else (she came).

That is two nights in a row that I've fucked a different married woman with the full consent and knowledge of her husband.

This is fun. Fucking married women. I like it a lot. But I'd be very happy to give it up in order to have one woman in my life, preferably forever.

Everywhere I go, people are making a big fucking deal about this movie and thanking me. And also thanking me for my journalism and for the stories I've broken and am still working on about what happen on 8/12. Someone said to me today that I might be the first person ever to be nominated for a Pulitzer and an Oscar in the same year.

I like Lauren a lot. She's smart and experienced and creative and capable and very pretty. I hope that this thing with us goes somewhere.

And I want to say more about how much I value this whole group of people. Two years ago I was completely adrift. I had an audience of readers around the world, but I had no core group of people here to connect with. With Helenah gone, I had few real connections with other people. I was going to shows just to be immersed in something for a few hours. And then I started writing stories as a journalist about some of them. And bit by bit, I got integrated into this scene.

They didn't know anything about my past for a long time. And they knew very little about what I was doing professionally at the time. They didn't know that I'd been a professional hunter, that I had written books, that there was a movie about me, or that I'd been briefly famous for all these different things. It's hard to bring that shit up without sounding either crazy or like an egomaniac. So I didn't even bring that shit up for ages. To them, I was just me, this journalist.

Now I have a beer every week with Jeff. And help Ethan plot his future as a pop star. When my brake lines got cut last month, Ethan and Raven bought me drinks and commiserated. I really love these guys.

I don't think I've had a sense of a group of people being my tribe like this since I was in college.

Scott, the thin Marine veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan with tattoos covering his neck and hands and a show at local gallery for his paintings. Sri, another painter and female volunteer firefighter, long and lean and brown-skinned. Raven, bass-player for Ethan's band and also the paramedic who drove He@ther H3yer's ambulance. Christina, the statuesque, blonde classical vocalist who also fronts a 30's Berlin cabaret-style band. And a dozen more.

I love being around these people. All making art and music. They have been so good to me. I'm still broke, and don't have the life that I want and feel sub-human most of the time for lack of a proper living situation. But they all give me a sense of belonging to something.

And we're all really fucking cool. We look good, we dress rock-and-roll, and when we all show up to a concert or a party everyone looks at us all enviously because we are obviously the cool kids.

Anyway, I love these people and I am so grateful for them. It speaks volumes that the high point of my evening was sitting around a fire with them and getting a blowjob from Polly afterwards was just a nice accent to the night.

12:18 a.m. - 2017-11-23

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