cellini's Diaryland Diary

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And Cook Her Breakfast &shit

My date with Lauren last night went til 3 am. The conversation was such that she's definitely interested in dating me, but hesitates slightly over a potential mis-match in what we are looking for. She wants casual, whereas I am basically looking to get married.

I fucked up and did not kiss her. It was kind of a positioning thing. Like, the way we were sitting and proximity and shit. But she invited me to her house for Atheist J3wish Christmas dinner.

The problem is that I am basically broke and only have $20 to my name at the moment. I'm owed plenty of money, but have none of it in hand at the moment. So I can't really ask her out on another date right this minute. What I want to do it ask her out on another date this weekend and then actually kiss her.

I like her more and more as I spend more time with her. I would definitely like to be inside of her. As I fell asleep last night I was fantasizing about spooning her naked and thinking about how nice it would be to fall asleep like that.

Tonight I told Kerri about my date with Lauren and she's all excited for me. It's nice that she's not jealous. I could imagine a situation where I date/fuck both of them. Kerri is obviously fine with that and Lauren says she isn't looking for super serious relationship. But the reality would probably be that if I manage to snag Lauren as my girlfriend, I wouldn't want to be dating anyone else.

I really, really, really want to be Lauren's boyfriend.

Points in my favor:

- Physically attractive
- Extremely professionally successful
- Slightly famous
- Highly socially competent, lots of friends, able to walk into a room full of strangers and quickly make new friends
- Brilliant
- Treat other people kindly
- Love kids and dogs
- Former professional hunter, which is kinda sexy apparently.
- Very good cook
- Able to build or fix almost anything.
- Not jealous, clingy or possessive
- Well-dressed
- Excellent prospects, successful film heading for distribution and probably a new book coming
- Well-traveled
- Knows when to shut up and listen

Points against me:

- Broke as shit
- Somewhat politically controversial (there are people in this city who don't like the fact that my journalism is journalism rather than advocacy)
- Looking for a serious, long-term relationship where eventually I am with my SO every day.

On the whole, I think that I would be excellent boyfriend material for Lauren.

Meanwhile, various other women are suddenly trying to date and/or fuck me. All very nice people, but poor fits for me. Kerri is perfectly satisfying as a fuck buddy and casual girlfriend. She's beautiful, in incredible shape, and gives great blowjobs. The fact that she is married is a good thing -- that keeps the relationship from ever getting serious. We wouldn't work as a married couple. She doesn't create stuff and doesn't have any drive to accomplish anything big. Which is fine -- Kerri is doing her thing and she is happy. But she wouldn't be a good primary partner for me. And that's why she is perfect as a part-time, once or twice a week girlfriend for sex and friendship.

I still haven't gotten to fuck her bareback and we haven't done anal. But aside from that, Kerri is entirely satisfactory to me in her role in my life. I really don't see a need to complicate my life by adding another woman to fuck -- unless it is Lauren, which is a whole other thing because I don't just want to fuck her but also genuinely admire her and want to be around her a lot and cook her breakfast &shit.

12:11 a.m. - 2017-12-19

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