cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Try to stop the killing, it follows me. Yeah, I'm fucking pissed off. I'm pissed off that a man is dead and I could have stopped it. I didn't do enough. Another man is in critical care. A friend's nephew. I COULD HAVE FUCKING STOPPED IT. I know that track was fucked. I knew there hadn't been any federal inspections done on any crossings or bridges EVER. I knew someone was gonna die. In fact, I thought a lot of people were gonna die. So why the fuck do I do this? Why do I have this stupid fucking job if I can't stop a man from dying when I could see it coming a year in advance? FUCK THIS. Fuck this stupid fucking job. I turned into some imaginary fucking super hero for people here. They expect that I'll find out what's happening. They expect that I'll tell them when someone is fucking up. They expect that I will tell them when one of them is about to die. AND I TRIED. I said it as loud as I could. And it didn't fucking matter. A man is dead now. Because I didn't do my job well enough. Because I'd gotten complacent. And now I'm still alone and broken and how the fuck would I let someone I care about into this fucking mess after people were trying to kill me a few months ago and I'm suing the state government and a horde of neo-Nazis are after me? Jesus fuck, I'm completely un-dateable. I hate being alone and every night by myself hurts but I am entirely un-dateable and nobody in their right mind would meet me for a drink. 2:43 a.m. - 2018-02-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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