cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A home and leaving When it rains, it pours. Two more interview requests today. And all I did was take shit off of my CV. Tomorrow afternoon I have a Skype interview with UC Santa Barbara. I did an editing and writing test for them today. And the H0ward Hughes Medical Center also wants to interview me. All of these jobs pay around $60k or more. Housing costs for some of them would be an issue. Especially since my credit is shot and I am destitute and have no money to start out with for deposits and so forth. But if I can leave with $1,500 or so I can rent a room for the first few months while I would up a pile of money from bi-weekly paychecks. I'm so used to living on nothing that it would be easy to save a ton of money really quickly. I can eat well on $100 a week. Most of these jobs would give me paychecks of $1,800 or more every two weeks and I'm used to living on $1,000 a month. In two or three months I can have enough to rent a proper apartment or house if it's from an individual rather than a corporation with a credit check. I've earned this. I've spent a full year doing public interest civil rights journalism. I've suffered. I've had people try to kill me. I've stood up in the immediate face of terrible violence and done my job. I deserve to have a good life and a car that works and enough to eat. I've done my tour of duty. I am weighing all of these different offers. The job description at Northeastern sounds best. And I'd really like to work with the guy I interviewed with. He covered the B0ston Marathon bombing and understands what I've been through for the last year. But the housing situation in Boston seems really tough to figure out as quickly as they would want me. The FU job in Gainesville, Florida seems like the best situation on the whole. A lot of money, and it looks like it would be pretty easy for me to find a good place to get a two bedroom rental after a few months. And rent is relatively cheap. We would have a lot of money left over to live well on. We. My daughter is 14 and will start her sophomore year of high school in September. She is glued here. Community theater and scads of friends and AP classes after skipping a grade. And I would have to be very careful about where I would take a gay teenager and expect that she could exist without discrimination. Unfortunately, she won't be coming. She could probably start college now and be fine. But this transition is really hard for her, watching me negotiate these job interviews while knowing that she will stay behind with her mother and my parents. My son is 11 and wants to come along to any of these places. He is ready to try something new. And honestly, I raised him. My daughter was raised my Trish and myself until she was 8 when Trish left. I raised Harry mostly myself. She left when he was 3. I had him 4 days a week and her father looked after him most of the time when she supposedly had him. He is a boy raised by men. I have forced no decisions on either of them, but Harry wants to come with me. I raised this boy myself. He made a bow and half a dozen arrows this week. We made a long board (skateboard) last week, and a wooden chest the week before that. I do not want to divide my family, but my wife chose that when she left. And I've tried repeatedly to reunite with her. I've tried again and again to keep my family together but she will not try. There are no jobs for me here. I've tried to survive as a freelancer for years but it just doesn't work. I can't exist here anymore. The jobs are all in other cities. I have to leave. So that's what is about to happen. Division. I will take one of these jobs and go myself for a few months to get established, and then Harry will come with me and my daughter will stay and we'll live in some other city. And a whole other life will spin off in a new place and she won't be with us. It breaks my heart but I don't know what to do about it. I can't stay here any more. There's nothing here for me. The alternative is that I kill myself. I can't live anymore like I've lived for the last year. I'm done with that. And I don't know how I make a real life, a life with a home and a future, without leaving.
12:16 a.m. - 2018-07-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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