cellini's Diaryland Diary

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I want to be dead

I want to be dead.

I want to go home and get into bed with my wife. I want my life back. I wish that I had not lived the last however many years of my life. This has not been worth living. It would be better if I had died 6 or 7 years ago or however long it has been.

This has been shit. I would give up every one of my accomplishments in that time to go back and do all of this all over again as a normal person with my wife and my kids and my life. The films, the invitations to different cities and countries, all of it.

I hate existing. I want to die.

I want to die. I want to die. I WANT TO DIE.

I've gotten sort of serious about making that happen. The problem is that a nitrogen tank and regulator costs more money than I have now. I sincerely want to die. This isn't an exaggeration. I want to be dead.

2:29 a.m. - 2019-12-10

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