cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last Fucking Week. I went through my messages on Reddit tonight and was reminded of the reality that I come from. Oh, it's easy to think that that one is persecuted and that everyone is after you. Ok, well I was a civil rights journalist for a year and people still want to kill me. Having people want to actually kill you doesn't cure you of that. It reinforces it. I'm from Charlottesville, Virginia. Enter your own punchline. Months before the riot that you are all thinking of, I knew that it was coming. I set out to personally witness every event that precipitated the things that you know Charlottesville for. I was teargassed in July during the KKK rally and I told my daughter to run like hell five minutes before they opened up on us. On the day of the rally I stood on the top of the steps and was attacked from every side. And I was gassed five times that day. I was told to leave by neo-nazis and I stood there. I said "each of us must do our duty as we understand it." He looked hard at me and I looked hard back at him and then he moved on. Watch the video on Rewire. I was quoting Abraham Lincoln's Cooper Union speech but he had no idea. I made a whole fucking movie about what happened that day. And both antifa and neo-nazi have not forgotten it. They both hate me for showing what happened. The whole fucking time I was living in Florida, they made a flyer that claimed that I was a serial killer who had drugged and killed a bunch of women in northern Virginia. They distributed this flier with my face on it to every bar and restaurant in the city. This was my life. For a year. Trying to go out and live my life while crazy political radicals put my face on a rape flier. THIS WAS MY LIFE. I SPENT A YEAR OF MY LIFE HUNTING NEO-NAZIS AND I WAS REPAID BY BEING TAGGED AS A SERIAL RAPIST. Which I was not was. In fact, I have no fucking clue what all of that was about. So now I just want to be a normal person. Too bad -- I don't get to do that. And I don't have recourse with the legal system, because I also spent over a year suing the state police for legal documents relating to 8/12/17. They spent hundreds of thousands in legal fees fighting the case that I brought, so every police officer fucking hates me and wants to find an excuse to put me behind bars. What am I now? A dead man. I was falsely tagged as a serial killer while in Florida and now I'm waiting to be pulled over in Virginia and thrown in prison for existing. My inspection sticker on my car is expired, that will probably be enough. That was my life for most of a year. I was dealing with everyone who worked at a bar or club in the city that I lived in calling me a serial killer. Without any of the slightest proof, but they all got to feel really good about making shit up. So here I am, trying to restart my life. Wouldn't you fucking kill yourself? I want to die. I miss my wife so much. I miss my life that I had. And all of that is so, so far out of reach. I want to die and I think that this is a rational desire. I don't think that it is irrational to want to stop existing. Any person who was in my particular situation should, absolutely, want to die. I don't want to exist anymore. I want to die. Last fucking week. 3:45 a.m. - 2019-12-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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