cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Besides, I'm Already Waiting to Die Yeah, Christa cared so much. So much she ignored my emails for the last few weeks and only responded to texts. This became clear while texting tonight. She didn't read any of my emails for the last two weeks. Not the big consolidation of essays about growing up in Ch@rlottesille; not the piece about dealing with decades of death here; nor the piece about the research I've done on surviving Pleistocene megafauna for the last few weeks. She's not reading my work. I called her out on it, and I told her I was closing the tab with her responses, and then I shut off my phone so I don't see what she has to say. Maybe I should feel bad right now. I shut off my phone and I am not seeing whatever pleas she is writing for me to talk to her. I told her I was cutting out. And then I cut out. Logged off. i guess that there is a level where I'm supposed to give a shit. She ignored my emails for weeks. I sent her a digest of everything I'd written of my memoirs. And as soon as I asked her, after two hours of texting conversation, what she thought about anything I'd written, she had no fucking clue. Because she didn't bother to read any of it. I was completely disposable to Christa. I was a disposable piece of shit. My phone is still off and I can't see anything that she texts to me. It is off. Besides, I'm already waiting to die. 11:29 p.m. - 2019-12-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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