cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and kiss her neck and whisper behind her ear that I love her A few nights ago Trish said that this Saturday evening is when she wants to finally actually have sex. Tonight she came over to the bookstore around 7 pm and we went out for dinner around the corner. Her awful friend, Alex, awkwardly named for this diary because she shares the name of the Alex I dated for over a year, saw us at our booth and sat down with her annoying elderly hippie boyfriend. Trish thinks they are both great. Alex is like Patsy from AbFab with less charisma and she also looks like shit and is really dumb. Trish is thrilled that she is dating this probably 68 year old bearded hippie whose most important trait is that he is not an abusive piece of shit. Alex goes on and on about some shit about National Geographic and the NYT in 1993 when she worked in communications, and when I asked her to tell me more about what that collaboration was she just descended into nonsensical claptrap without any ability to tell a story or say anything that made any sense. Then this bitch started grabbing food off of my plate, and eating the burger off of Trish's plate. We're supposed to be on a date together. Now I'm feeding this annoying cow while her idiot boyfriend goes on about vibes. Then Trish and Alex went off together, and I'm stuck with hippie boyfriend, who starts on some shit about conspiracies at the NYT, while I'm still actually a stinger for the NYT and have a lot of respect for the Times as an institution and admiration for my editors there. And then he's ranting about how awful FEMA is and how they just want to control everything. The people who work for FEMA are extraordinarily dedicated people who provide food and clean water and housing for displaced people under incredibly challenging circumstances and I think that this guy is just a fucking idiot ho spends too much time on social media and I don't want to look at him any more. I asked for the bill, which was around $100 because now I am stuck with the tab for all of these obnoxious drunk people's booze. So I paid it, collected Trish, and left. We went back to the bookstore and into my 'dorm room.' Time to watch a movie or show. I offer to let her pick anything she wants. Nope. Ok. Over the next FUCKING HOUR I suggest about a dozen specific things that she rejects. Grizzly Man is not an option because it is a documentary about something that doesn't have huge stakes and she thinks there is no point in watching a true thing that is just about people's lives. Huh. Ok. Most documentaries are now out the window. She shot down the latest Miyazaki film and the last one before it, even though our kids grew up on Studio Ghibli, because she thinks Miyazaki might once have said that he was coming out of retirement because his son wasn't a great enough director. We're trying to pick out a film to watch and she just keeps getting off track, wanting to make a speech about something we both just said that we don't want to watch. Finally I suggest that she pick out an episode of The Expanse that she really liked, since we both watched that. This worked. I got to snuggle her and then spoon her for a few hours, which was really all I wanted out of the night. She fell asleep in my arms for about 20 minutes, during which I kissed the back of her head and told her that I love her. This level of crazy, stupid bullshit is, as far as I have been able to determine, just the normal level of stupid shit that I would have to put up with from any woman. The flavor varies, but there is always some type of crazy shit like this with any woman which will rear its head at some point and then continue to exist. Moving on to another woman will not eliminate the crazy bullshit. I love Trish, I want to touch her and kiss her and make her happy as much as possible, I made the commitment to marry her and to love and honor her for the rest of my life. It would be stupid to think that there is some version of this where all of the loving her happens without dealing with the crazy bullshit. If you love a woman and want to spend your life with her, you will have to put up with dumb, crazy bullshit. Trish is very soft. I would like to touch and kiss every part of her. I also want to suck on her clit and her her labia and make her cum as many times as possible. In the last few days I started doing research on around 10 issues of a very rare lit mag that were in storage in the bookstore when I bought it. The Kn1ckerb0cker. I have a bunch of issues from the 1840's. Each of which has the first edition of something by G3orge W@shington Irving. Four or five of them have firsts of poems by L0ngfellow, including the first printing of "The Bl@cksmith." This collection has got to be in the $4k to $10k range. Last night I spent a few hours looking at every single page of the five volume set of books that almost certainly belonged to Th0mas J3fferson. The only marking that I could conceivably do anything with was a fingerprint. And I doubt that anyone has figured out how to tease out TJ's fingerprints from the traces of everyone else who has handled his former shit. If the Jefferson stuff pans out, I think that I have up to $80k worth of stuff to send to auction. That for probably $50k, the first edition Ann3 of Gr33n Gables, the two copies of the lit mag first printings of A conf3deracy of Dunc3s, the signed first edition Dr. S3uss with immaculate dust jacket, the Knickerb0ckers, the ML first edition of The Great Gatsby, various other rare things that I can't recall at the moment. Bear in mind that I am writing this in a building where I found a note autographed by PG W0dehouse under a bookcase while looking for an electrical outlet a few weeks ago. I sold it to D0nna T@rt for $50. She is a regular here. The fliers have been a big hit. I am sending a lot of business to other weird stores downtown. I paid an artist who normally does band fliers $150 to make these posters and fliers promoting other downtown businesses that should appeal to people who like my bookstore. Record shops and thrift stores and LGBTQ places and a pinball place, etc. I give them out in the bookstore and have posters that I am going to flier with in other cities. Our monthly nightclub is now officially extremely cool. Next one is the Saturday after Halloween. I could be getting laid right and left with this. I run the new cool underground nightclub and I have my own private room upstairs where I could be pulling chicks and fucking them on the regular. But I am not. I have been loyal to Trish. I love her. I understand her profound faults and limitations and I also love her. I know all about all of the things that I could do wrong and I am determined not to do any of them. I know what to do right. Rule #1: Be very nice to her all of the time. Do not argue. Listen to her. Look for sweet things to do for her. Buy flowers, look for books that she would like, bring groceries, fix things for her. Rule #2. Be affectionate, within limitations. Kiss her. Give her back rubs. Hold her. Avoid putting hands on boobs until she places the hand there. Rule #3. Create things. Be in control over my own space. Constantly create a wonderful place that thousands of people want to visit. Always be making and finding new things that delight people. I think that she is catching up. I think that she has fallen in love with me again the way that I have fallen in love with her again. She is really bad at expressing anything because she is, I am pretty sure, in some degree autistic. I think that there is a lag in her ability to express it. I think that she wants my hand on the small of her bare back as badly as I want it as I touch her there. I have absolutely no time to think about anything other than the problems that are directly in front of me every single day. I have HUGE problems in running this business. The state of Virgin1a still has not recognized that I own this company and will not allow me to pay sales taxes despite my begging with them and sending them every letter and form possible. The phone company (Brightc0ve) provides no path of talking to a human being, so they do not process the fact that I am now the principal of the company and so I cannot lodge a complaint about the fact that long distance calls do not work and I cannot access our voice mail. But I make as much time for Trish as she will have from me. I love her so much. I have waited for 14 years for her to come back to me and she has come back to me. I will do whatever I have to do to make her happy. I will sit through stupid movies, I will spend hours figuring out what to watch. I actually don't want to watch anything at all -- I would much rather spend my time either doing historical research or building or fixing something useful but I will watch dumb TV shows with Trish if it means that I get to hold her and kiss her neck and whisper behind her ear that I love her. I love her so much. I don't know what she has planned for Saturday night. I just want to hold her and love her and be inside of her and go down on her and kiss her and and touch her and inhale her. I just want to love her and then keep doing that forever. I hope that she will let me. This has been pretty much what I have wanted out of every serious relationship that I have ever been in. Hopefully my present ability to understand that and act on it will now mean something. I want to commit to Trish for the rest of my life and to continue to be who she needs me to be. I would like some indication that she feels the same way. 2:10 a.m. - 2024-10-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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