cellini's Diaryland Diary

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Alex's Pregnancy Test Was Positive.

Alex is pregnant again.

She is 45 years old. We don't even get to fuck very often. I have ejaculated inside of her only twice in the last month, and yet she has tested positive yesterday.

The last time, she miscarried about two weeks in.

The odds of her carrying this to term unassisted are next to zero.

If she stays pregnant into a few months, I think that Lindsay finally moves out and I move in. Maybe that is the kick in the pants that I need to get some real direction in my life and either get really serious about my career in [email protected] computing or get really serious about selling the book I have been working on for the last three years. I could be very happy with Alex. I always wanted more kids, though I had hoped to start the process for more about ten years earlier than this.

More likely something will go wrong as the cells divide and someone who might have been will not be. During the next week.

Tonight I went to see Of Montreal in Richmond with Janine. She clearly expected me to kiss her when I dropped her off. But I can't do that while Alex is pregnant, even if she won't leave her abusive ex-girlfriend who hit her in the face a few days ago. If I am potentially signing up for an 18 year (or more) hitch, I'm not hooking up with or dating anyone else.

Alex is slightly pregnant. While she lives with her asshole girlfriend whom she has been trying to evict for the last year.

Will this abusive asshole get the fuck out when the time comes? Will this pregnancy even survive the month?

I honestly don't even feel any differently than I did last week. I have the same problems in front of me. Trying to apply for a house or apartment and deal with the whole fucking process of moving to Richmond. Pretending to give a fuck about the product pages I am supposed to write for the quantum cryt0graphy company I am working for. Getting this book a little closer to being finished or ready to sell. Developing the concept that I accidentally pitched to this editor at Th1s [email protected] Life and am now apparently writing.

They gave me a thank-you in the credits of the last episode. I haven't listened to it yet. But you can surely download the podcast and hear it. I'm the guy who was bitten by a [email protected] widow and had a few quotes and was then thanked at the end.

I never know where the fuck my life is heading and have next to no control over what happens next. So this is no different. Maybe I get to have another baby, and shape someone into another wonderful person. Or more likely it hits a dead end in cell division and just sort of stops.

I love Alex, but with a whole lot of caution and provisions in the way. She is not the motherhood goddess whom I was struck by when she paraded along the Downtown Mall in the early 2000's when I was on lunch break and was either too afraid to speak to her or thought that she would not remember me.

The very idea that she would be texting me today with random "I miss you" would have been unthinkable once upon a time. But she was always just a homo sapiens. Just a person, who happened to be born into the body of a human female, who lived, who happened to be beautiful, who grew older and met a man who happened to be accomplished and fun.

And now I am her life raft. The man who may have fathered a child with her. The one who believes that she is still the most beautiful woman in the world.

Being the most beautiful woman in the world is overrated. Being sort of ugly by most standards, but looking pretty good naked, and being good at oral and anal sex, and being fun, and smart, and well-read, is all actually far better than being film-set-ready beautiful.

5:25 a.m. - 2022-10-06

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