cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Don't Stand a Chance Mary wants me to come over for an evening later this week to do some cooking experiments ahead of the snail event. Also I'm to come by myself and bring wine. Huh. I think we're probably going to fuck. Did I mention that Caroline and I fucked in NYC last weekend? Yeah, that happened. I thought that it would probably happen one way or another but I wasn't going to initiate anything. In the first place because I was a guest and it would be rude to make such demands of a female host. And in the second place because she's in a weirdly emotionally vulnerable situation right now and I didn't want to be an asshole. But she was the one who made the moves on me, which was certainly handy. And it was good and it was fun, but in a fit of retarded chivalry I remembered that she was: A. Drunk B. Had vowed a year or so of celibacy following various fucked up things with an abusive ex-boyfriend C. Drunk So... I feel really stupid saying this, but I cut things short. Neither of us came. I just didn't feel that she was in a mental state where she could be giving proper consent and I didn't want to be one more asshole in a parade of assholes. So I stopped it and instead of continuing to fuck her I was very nice to her, and gave her a back rub and held her and let her and I both fall off to blissful drunken sleep. Bah. Why do people need alcohol to start fucking? If she'd been sober then I probably would have followed through all the way. Poor Caroline is such a mess. We have a lot of history and it is a wonderful history. Seriously, in spite of the complete insanity of our whole relationship years ago, we were absolutely great for each other and we left it all on very good terms. So much of what those few days together last week was about, for me, was proving that what we had years ago wasn't just about me fucking some hot little chick. I really looked forward to seeing her every day and not just for the sex. She was just such a fun person and we always had a ball together. And now she's a good bit older and hasn't aged as well as I have and she's a bit overweight and she's a total fucking mess, but she is still her. And I could sit there and listen to her telling stories all day long. So anyway, I'm going over to Mary's house this week with wine and so forth and her husband is out of town. And there is a certain vibe that she has been giving off. Subjects that keep getting brought up. Oh man. I don't want to do this to her husband, who is a really great guy but whom (she says, repeatedly) goes months on end without fucking her. And its like Robert Heinlein wrote: "When a woman's gonna, she's gonna." Mary and I have A LOT of history. Back to when I was 8 years old. I've known her longer than anyone else that I'm not related to. And she spent the next 6 years or so pursuing me, and now we are both adults and I'm no longer half retarded and she now has the power to get me alone in her bedroom with half a bottle of wine in me. Frankly, I don't stand a chance. Honestly, I will do whatever she asks or tells me to do without the slightest hesitation. 10:49 p.m. - 2010-11-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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