cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, I'm back with Alex and it was inexorable. Alex asked me to meet with her. I did. Predictable things resulted. The draw is just magnetic. I had to kiss her almost immediately. She is literally the most beautiful woman in the world. She looks and feels and smells like where I want and need to be. She has a new job that apparently pays really well. She doesn't need the bad Lindsay to help pay the mortgage anymore. That Lindsay hasn't been helping to pay any bills at all. But she's still barking orders at Alex, controlling her, threatening her. Alex has been insistent with her that their relationship is over and has been over for years, asking her to get the fuck out of her house already. She doesn't know what to do. She has no help and is incredibly ashamed about the whole situation. Lindsay shoulder-surfed her phone password, swiped Alex's phone, and saw everything we'd messaged to each other for months. Talking about getting married, everything. Then bullied Alex into ghosting me, threatening to tell her kids that she is a whore, threatening to give copies to Alex's ex-husband to use for their custody dispute, etc. Pretty quickly I got to the point. Which is that I am not willing to piss away years of my life being her side piece. Does she want to, and is she willing to follow through with, actually getting Lindsay the fuck out of her house and her life? If not, I'm not doing this again. Alex said yes. So now I'm walking her through the process of presenting Lindsay with an eviction notice and preparing the legal follow-up to have a judge order her to get out and stay out. If this proceeds, and Alex goes through with it in good faith, we will almost certainly get married. I have idolized her since we were both 14 years old, though I've definitely seen plenty of her faults in the past year. I still cannot walk past a display of flowers for sale without wanting to buy them for her, and when I shop for art or books I am always looking for pieces that I know that she would like. Looking into her eyes is the most thrilling thing in my life. Holding her hand feels like an audience with a deity. Having sex with her is divine. Making her come is a complicated religious experience. She's never going to do better than that. No woman can. Like, period. This is as good as it gets. I'm not stupid. A man *that* devoted to one woman, who can also fix anything and mow the lawn and make dinner is a pretty fucking rare thing. I'm not some cowering supplicant. This is as good as it gets, unless there is a clone of me with a billion dollars in assets. I love her with eyes wide open. So now I have to have a gentle talk with the good Lindsay. Such a sweet, gentle, kind person. She's smart and well-educated and has all of the right curves and great tits. She's game to come with me on all sorts of fun adventures. Which is a big part of what I need. I've tried really hard to be into her on even a fraction of the level that I am pulled to Alex and it isn't there. She doesn't deserve to have her heart broken, but I have to do that. I'm not going to string her along while also seeing Alex again. I could not possibly do that to either of them. Alex had dark, almost black hair until she started dying it in the last five years or so. She is almost as tall as me, about 5' 7", though her posture makes her seem even taller. She has high cheek bones, blue eyes, a strong but feminine chin. Her face, and her expression, are very much like Greta Garbo at her most dark and wistful. Do an image search for Greta Garbo's face and you'll see what I mean. Those most haunting and serious shots of her are just what Alex looks like all the time. Imagine that a face like that looked directly into your eyes and told you that she loved you. You'd do anything for her. I will. Alex literally looks like Greta Garbo. Not exactly as a clone, but in the structure of her face and overall beauty and intensity and expression. Look at the photos of Garbo that come up when you search for her. Look at how alone and thoughtful and skeptical and searching that her face is. Imagine that when she locks her eyes with yours she seems to stop searching. Imagine that face telling you that she loves you. You could never tell that face, those eyes, that you are sick of dealing with her drama. You would do anything for her. There I am. I would do anything for Alex. Her figure is perfect. An hourglass. She says that her boobs are Ds. They are not comically large on a frame of her height. Her hips are probably of some ancient Greek formula of an ideal golden ratio to her waist and chest and legs. Her ears are perfect and widely rounded on the top like I imagine an elf's would be and I want to kiss them a lot. Her feet have perfect arches. Her nipples are pink and the size of silver dollars. Her hands look like she should have played the piano. She plays the cello. She brought up some of the speakers in Plato's dialogues today when trying to describe how Lindsay behaves. That's part of what I love about her. She is usually very serious. Well-read. And she has good taste in art. Alex is magnificent. A goddess who does not quite know that she is a goddess. I cannot do better than this near-perfect, wonderful woman. She cannot do better than the one person who loves her this much and is willing to devote himself to her. If we don't get the bad Lindsay out of the picture and make this work then there is no hope for anyone. I love her too much to do anything other than devoting myself to her completely. I am too in love with Alex to ever to do anything stupid to screw it up. I will never cheat on her. I will never take her for granted. I will never talk down to her. I will never assume that she is wrong or that I am right. I will let small things go. I will listen to her rather than wait to speak. I will give her backrubs when she comes home, and I will not expect her to be the first reader of work that I have written. I will take it as my most important job to love her. I just hope that she can equal that enough to deal with the shit storm that will result when she moves to evict the bad Lindsay. 1:20 a.m. - 2023-07-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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