cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The First Day of My Spring The business trip yesterday went well. This sort of thing is good practice for political campaigning. I've got my check for the mileage deposited and will be getting a very welcome bonus on Friday for my efforts. Today marks the turn of the tide, money-wise. The money I deposited today gets us groceries, full tanks of gas and plenty of diesel to run the furnace for the next few days. In 2 days I get paid and there will be a 00 bonus attached. Enough to get Trish's guitar out of hock and order a 100 gallon delivery of diesel for heat. What with the global warming, this might be the last order of the year. 100 gallons should see us through to the early days of April. Spring is almost here. In 2 weeks or so I get my dividend money. Then I do my refinancing of the mortgage. Etc. It's a whole chain of good events that starts today. It is the first day of my spring. The question now is whether I can make the most of spring and summer to prevent the next winter from being so very awful in terms of finances and immediate personal comfort at home. On my way back home last night I stopped at Ikea to drool over kitchens. I want that. I WANT THAT. A regular, civilized kitchen. With a dishwasher and cabinets for everything and counter tops to work on. A tidy, proper place to store and cook food. I want this desperately. It doesn't even have to be very big. But the only way that it's going to happen at this rate is if I do it myself. Order up a foundation and then pound every nail myself until we have a proper place to live. I came close to dropping to my knees when I walked into the kids bedroom section at Ikea. I want my children to have proper bedrooms. Without windows that leak. Without gaps between the floor and wall that have to be covered over with scrap wood to keep the rodents from getting in. Rooms with floors that they can jump on without concern about furniture falling over. I don't want to live this way anymore. I'm not sure it's really possible for someone to understand what it is like living under these conditions, especially with small children. I mean for someone who has never lived in a place like this. After a while it just aches. This house that we're in should be torn down. Not renovated. It's beyond hope and would cost more money to fix than it would to just build a new house. Trish is nowhere near sold on the idea of my taking ,000 out of the dividend money to get a foundation put in. Let alone spend ,000 on a truck. But this is the only way to get out of this horrible situation. I have got to have some kind of hope. There's just nothing else. The economy is shit, business is lousy and it will be years before both kids are old enough for Trish to start working again. I just want some kind of real hope, no matter how difficult it is to realize it. 12:25 - 2008-02-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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