cellini's Diaryland Diary

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Teachin' Shit

Trish is out with Mary right now.

I have a 2 hour class to teach tomorrow morning and I had zero time to prepare for it. As soon as I started, Trish showed up at my office to drop the kids off. I needed to print 15 copies of a handout. After the first copy came out of the printer, it jammed and failed. I tried the copier but it, too, jammed up when trying to print duplex and even after I cleared the actual jams it refuses to even attempt to print.

Here I am at home with 2 small children while Trish is out drinking or whatever with Mary. And I have this fucking class to teach at 8:30 am and no fucking clue what I'm going to do.

Bleah. I have a love/hate relationship with teaching. I always dread it in advance but everyone says I'm really good at it. And it always goes fine and feels like a success afterwards. I have this fear of going in under-prepared and completely fucking everything up.

I have to teach in NYC in 2 days as well. It went incredibly well last time but suddenly I can hardly remember what I did that made it go that well. I'm not sure where my notes are from last time. Nor do I know where my notes are for tomorrow, come to think of it.

You know what's weird? I am a teacher and an author now. Where the fuck did that come from? Life is weird.

All it took was month after month of insanely hard work and the total surrender of everything else in my life towards a single master plan.

There are people I have kind of stopped talking to because I would just feel like an asshole.

Them: 'Hey whats going on?'

Me: 'Well, I've got one book deal and I'm working on another and I have a TV show with D1scovery in the works. Whats new with you?'

Them: I got a new X-Box.

Seriously, I would just feel like a total dick. There are only a relatively few people whom I feel like I can converse, mostly because they are accomplished enough or have good enough prospects in life not to feel like I'm belittling them. Which I don't want to do. There they are on Facebook, talking about some fucking video game or TV show day after day after day. Jesus. Get up off the couch and live. Not that I'm angry at those people. Its not their fault. Hell, there is no way that I would have come this far if I wasn't painfully desperate to make a decent living. If I had no family to support and had some very ordinary job that paid me enough money to keep a decent roof over my head and pay the bills then I would probably not being doing any of this shit.

8:29 p.m. - 2010-05-12

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