cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Dangerous Combination Next week is pretty well set now. Helenah is coming down on the 1 o' clock train on Tuesday and I'm meeting her at the station. We're going to run around gathering inv@sive snails and probably go fishing and some other stuff. And then. Oy. And then I'm taking her home to meet Trish and the kids and she's spending the night here. Yes, this is scary. I have no idea how Trish is going to act towards her. I really feel like its too soon for this but somehow it all got set up without me having the chance to really think about it. Suffice to say that it wasn't my idea. No seriously, what the fuck did I just get corralled into? I really don't know that Trish can maintain her composure for the whole visit. Because while she is gay as fucking fried chicken (what? you didn't know that fried chicken is gay?) she also definitely finds her comfortable situation to be in real danger right now. Helenah and I are incapable of sitting in the same room together without staring at each other like we're auditioning for starring roles in 'Titanic.' Which, by the way, I cried at the end of in the theater. Its been many years and I think I can kind of admit it now. I just got an email from her while I was writing this. I love getting emails from her. I like this one especially because its just a 'how was your day?' email. There's no news or important thing to communicate. She was just thinking of me and wanted to know what I'm doing. Yeah, so I'm going to have the two of them under the same roof for the night. Fuuuuuk. So much could go wrong. This is insane. Trish knows that I have a crush on Helenah but she doesn't quite know yet that I'm actually in love with her. She will realize this after being in the same room as both of us for 10 or 15 minutes and then there is no telling what is going to unfold. I'm recording this essay for NPR on Wednesday at noon and Helenah is coming. I'm not sure what we're going to do for the rest of Wednesday after leaving the studio and before her train arrives. I need to come up with something. Actually, I should probably try to scrape up some cash and just turn the rest of the day into a date. Ugh. I'm so psyched that I get to see her in a few days but I wish we could wait a few weeks to do the whole introduction to Trish and the kids thing. This is scary. I wish that Trish and the kids could go have a sleep-over somewhere else while Helenah is spending the night with me. When I wake up in the twilight of sleep I think about her. I imagine her spooned in front of me. I think about the scent of her hair and imagine the warmth of her against me. My arm wrapped around her soft body and my hand on her breast. I wonder if she imagines the same thing about me when she wakes up. I want to tell her about how the shape of her small arms is perfect and that I can close my eyes at any moment and visualize the precise shape of her ears and the colors of her eyes. 9:15 p.m. - 2011-10-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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