cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Can We Be Done Now? My major problem at the moment is that I bought a new laptop and its a piece of shit with a horrible keyboard and track pad that does not fucking work. I cannot type a sentence let alone a paragraph without the curser going up and down several lines and randomly deleting shit and generally fucking up. Writing this paragraph has been excrutiating. Hence my recent silence. I cannot write. I am returning this piece of shit tomorrow and hopefully getting a different model that I won't want to throw out of the window. Meanwhile there is a lot to write about but its simply too onerous to try doing so with this fucking piece of shit. I am starting to want to break up with Helenah but I don't think there is a graceful way to do that with someone who is still editing a movie about me. She has no idea how to interact with my children and I don't think she's going to try. She seems to think that I'm available a la carte. No, I'm not. And I don't want to continue having these separate lives indefinitely. You either learn how to spend time with my kids and exist in the same room with them without acting creepy or you will cease to be my girlfriend. Moreover she has no idea how to be in an adult relationship. She hasn't had a boyfriend for more than a week since she was a college freshman. The way that she reacts to a situation with me is like she's trying to guess what would happen in some movie or sitcom. She's starved for attention, but she's like a 17 year old. If you are annoyed with the last-minute logistical problems in meeting up with your boyfriend when you haven't seen him in a week, then it is NOT acceptable to walk right past him toward the car without stopping to say hello or kiss or even hug. That is being childish and it sets a horribly negative tone for the remainder of your time together on that trip. If you are pissed off, too bad. Swallow it and act appropriately. I want to be forgiving of this sort of thing since it is mostly ignorance that is causing it but I sense that this shit will only get worse. When I forgive it, she is left with the impression that her behavior was reasonable or acceptable. So she'll keep doing it, and I'm not willing to be her doormat. These are probably the sorts of things that one is supposed to learn in one's early twenties and then implement after getting dumped and figuring shit out. But she never had a boyfriend during that period of her life. She hasn't learned this basic shit about how to treat a boyfriend or spouse. The idea of teaching someone such elementary shit at this point in my life is depressing. I just finished a 17 year relationship and I'm dealing with this retarded shit like she's a teenaged girl. Its ridiculous. I know that it isn't her fault. She is who she is and that is a product of her experiences. I could really forgive everything except for not getting along with my children. That is non-negotiable. No matter how much in love I am or how good the sex is, they come first. And by the way, the sex is ok. She gives good blowjobs but that's about it. No anal sex, no spankings, not open to any threeways. I need someone more mature. I should never date a woman under the age of 30 again. Preferably a woman with children of her own. The problem is that I don't really want to date. I want to get married again to someone who plugs herself seamlessly into my life. 12:46 a.m. - 2012-03-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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