cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her husband just left her Natalie's husband filed for divorce a little over a week ago. She tried to kill herself by means unspecified and spent the weekend in the hospital with an $18,000 bill. We hung out tonight and I mostly listened to what's going on with her. My crush on her from last summer is gone. Even if it wasn't, I wouldn't try anything now. She is my friend and she is going through hell and all I can do is be there. I had this idea for a new investigative news outlet and someone with lots and lots of money might fund it. Or not, I dunno. I have a lot of irons in the fire. But I imagined the idea of this news operation as me and Natalie running it together. She wants to move to DC in a few months. And I guess that this intense collaboration we've had since last August will come to an end. And I won't have a partner anymore. I've dragged Natalie along on so many weird adventures and she has been so game. All kinds of news stories where she did photos and I wrote the articles, and we ran off together and followed the marchers from Ch@rlottesville to DC, and I brought her to an almost-riot in Richmond, and then I decided to make this movie and she came along for that and served as my lead editor. And we sued the V1rginia State P0lice together and have done so much. A lifetime of work for most people, crammed into the last 6 months or so. I'm pretty hard to follow. This isn't the first time it's been pointed out. Helenah came along for as long as she thought that she could. And Natalie has had to deal with so much worse than Helenah ever did (not that Natalie and I were ever a romantic item). People trying to kill me, protestors, lawsuits, tear gas, neo-Nazis. Fuck, I take the people with me for a hard, exhausting ride. I do crazy, dangerous stuff that anyone with sense wouldn't go near. And it burns them up til they can't take it anymore while I'm still limping on to the next thing and looking over my shoulder and trying to rally them on. Natalie has a third of her hair bleached blonde and the rest natural brunette. She dresses kinda punk rock and kinda Tokyo and is always perfectly put together with near-theatrical makeup. And when we show up somewhere together, we make a striking impression. Tonight was like that. People did double-takes. We look important. Like a pair of rock stars. She's crying herself to sleep tonight. And I'll fall asleep the same way I always do. Alone, broken-hearted, reaching for someone who isn't there anymore. I wanted to tell her that it will get better. That time heals all wounds and there are other fish in the sea and all of that rot. But the truth is that heartbreak is forever. It's never gotten the slightest bit better for me. So I don't talk with Natalie about what's happening to her. I just listen. 2:25 a.m. - 2018-02-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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