cellini's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I want to die soon and finally I have a plan I've asked Christa to talk to me like a human being at the end of their rope. And she either manages to do that or she bows out. There's no good reason for me to continue to exist. There's no good reason for anyone to want me to continue to exist. I have no assignments right now. I have pitched some awesome stuff, but currently there is no reason for me to exist. I have some outstanding proposals that don't have a lot of hope considering that I pitched them during the winter break. But I'm gonna wait for whatever seems like the reasonable time to see if any of these things come to anything, and then if I run out of money and life then I am going to kill myself. I have one gun that I could use without feeling horrible about. So long as I blow my brains out far from home, I don't think that I need to feel bad about it. I have the makings of a real plan to kill myself and that gives me more hope than anything that has happened to me in months. I hate existing and I just want to die as soon as possible. 4:24 a.m. - 2019-12-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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